At that moment, all the letters in Delilah’s bedroom fall to the ground, so that she and Oliver stand ankle-deep in ink.
“Whatwasthat?” Delilah says, breathing heavily.
“Nobody sent the message,” I murmur. “That canvas was writing on itself.”
“It’s not the canvas.” I turn at the sound of Frump’s voice. He comes through the doorway on all fours, completelytransitioned back into a hound. He sits back on his haunches and turns sad eyes up to the top edge of the book, meeting Oliver’s gaze. “It’s the book correcting itself.”
Oliver’s face is stricken. “Frump,” he whispers. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Frump’s ears droop. “Because if I didn’t tell you, maybe it wasn’t really true.”
“I thought maybe Orville could do something,” I say. “It’s worth a try, right?”
Oliver tries to offer an encouraging smile, but Frump looks defeated. “Maybe we were all just kidding ourselves,” he sighs. “Maybe we can’t pretend to be something we’re not.”
Oliver slips his arm around Delilah’s waist. “Well then,” he says. “We’re not giving up without a fight.”
Orville’s home is awfully crowded when you stuff two humans, a dog, and a horse inside. Since Oliver and Delilah insist on being here as we try to un-dogify Frump, we are bound by the conventions of the book: we had to pick a page that includes all the necessary characters, in the right place. On page 32 of the original fairy tale, Oliver, Frump, and Socks came to Orville’s cabin so that the wizard could show Oliver his future. In my adaptation, the scene’s pimped out a little bit. Orville’s crusty old shack is now a state-of-the-art laboratory where he crafts antigravity potions and synthetic alien DNA.
Above me, I hear Oliver whistle softly. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
Frump is pacing underneath a table. “What if it doesn’t work?” he asks.
“Then we’ll try something else,” Oliver insists. “Right, Orville?”
The old wizard, now decked out in a lab coat and goggles, nods. “Let’s see what I’ve got.”
He digs out the old grimoire that was part of the fairy tale before I arrived, blows dust off its cover, and begins to flip through the pages. “Invisibility . . . no, no . . . Poisoned apple—that’s not it. . . . Pumpkin into carriage, definitely not . . .”
There’s a clatter from the other side of the room, and we all look up to see Socks stepping delicately through a pile of broken glass. “Oops,” he says. “My bad. You don’t happen to have anything for adult acne, do you?”
Five pairs of eyes glare at him.
“Nope? Not the time? Right. Okay.” Socks ducks his head.
“Ah, I think I’ve got something that will work,” Orville says. He pushes his goggles on top of his head, revealing a pair of thick glasses underneath. “It’s a wishing spell. It can only be used once per person.”
Oliver’s jaw drops. “Wait a moment, are youkiddingme? You had this all along?”
Orville glances up at him. “I’ve only read about it being used once, when I was a young boy, and the side effects were catastrophic. Chap named Midas, who wished for riches beyond compare, and for everything he touched to turn to gold. Didn’t work out so well when his whole family became a bunch of solid statues. You wanted to give Delilah your heart, boy—forall we know, she might have wound up with two beating in her chest, and you dead on the floor in front of me.”
“Oh,fabulous,” Frump mutters. “Make me the guinea pig.”
“Technically,” Socks says, “you’re a dog.” He glances up, wincing at Frump’s expression. “Too soon?”
Orville begins to move around the laboratory, grabbing vials and emptying them into a titanium crucible. “Desperation,” he murmurs, dumping the contents of one vial. “Desire. A pinch of stardust.” He drops in a four-leaf clover. “A hint of luck.” Finally he pours in a silver powder. “A scoop of hope,” he pronounces, and as soon as the material hits the liquid in the container, it begins to bubble.
A thick blue mist rises over the crucible, forming a watery screen, and projected across it the tiniest print:
WARNING
Make sure your wizard knows before you take this potion. Not for use by children under twelve. Tell your wizard if you experience chest pain, dryness of the mouth, or the growth of a third eye. This is not a love potion; another’s affection cannot be granted. This medicine should not be used in conjunction with a Revenge Tonic or serious side effects may occur. Be careful what you wish for and please wish responsibly.
~ ~ This product was not tested on animals. ~ ~
“If it wasn’t tested on animals, how do we know what it’s going to do to me?” Frump asks.
Orville looks at him gravely. “We don’t.”
