“Yeah.” His words triggered a wave of melancholy. I bit my lip and focused on my bare feet.
The glider squeaked as he sat next to me. “You’re going to get through this, Sara.”
I nodded, unable to speak over the sadness.
“Tell me what I can do.”
Why was I responding to him? We hadn’t taken many of the same classes. I only knew him as well as I could from working on the occasional project together. But his father had provided the venue for my brother’s graduation party. And Scott had been wonderful that night. He’d come to the memorial service. I wanted to trust him. “I will when I figure it out.”
“Still too messed up about Sean?”
“I can’t imagine a time when I won’t be messed up.”
“It might take a while, but it’ll get better.”
I sucked in a few steadying breaths. “How do you know?”
“My mom drowned in the ocean while I played on the shore.”
I whipped around to meet his gaze, shocked, aching for him, fumbling for a way to invite him to say more. In the past few months, I learned thatI’m sorryended conversations. “That’s horrible, Scott. How old were you?”
“Twelve.”
“Was your dad there?”
“It was just Mom and me that day, enjoying the beach.” Pain thickened his voice.
I laid my hand over the fist he had clenched against his thigh and gave it a brief, gentle squeeze.
We sat side by side, not speaking, both staring straight ahead. The noises of the neighborhood flowed around us.
“How long does it take to recover?” I asked.
“You never completely recover. You just learn how to cope.” He shifted toward me. “It kind of sneaks up on you. Six months will pass, and you’ll realize that it’s been several hours since you wished you could rewind your life to the day before. So that you could have another chance to say all the right words and do all the right things.”
That! On my brother’s last night, I’d slumped on his bed andfallen asleep—even thoughI’d known it couldn’t be many more days. Somewhere deep inside me, I’d known it would be no more than hours. Yet I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and when I awakened, he’d drifted away. It was my biggest regret. “How do you get past the wish for a do-over?” I met Scott’s gaze.
“You don’t. You decide to live with it.” His eyes held a swirl of emotions in their depths. Pain. Empathy. Encouragement.
“You can just decide?”
A smile ghosted across his lips. “Maybe it sounds strange, but you can. You put yourself through the motions. Pretend you’re back in the real world. Each day, spend a little more time trying to be normal. Eventually, it stops being pretend.”
“How did you make yourself do that?”
“I sweated out the sadness.”
“Sweated?”
“Yeah. I built an arbor out of cedar. It took me weeks of hard work, but I felt better when I was done.”
“Why an arbor?”
“Mom always wanted one, and we’d never found the time. So I just made up my mind to build it. I didn’t do a very good job. I’m sure my dad fixed all of my mistakes after I went to bed. But when it was finished, we were on the road to being okay.” Scott smacked his hands on his thighs and pushed to his feet. “Well, I guess I should find my crew. We have one more yard to complete before heading home.” He held out his phone. “Would you like my number?”
“Thanks. I would.” I texted myself from his phone and handed it back.
“Contact me anytime.”
