WE ARRIVE HOMEin the soap bubble of a fragile peace. “I…could take a shower,” I offer.
That’s code for:Let’s have sex. I know there was a moment in our relationship where sex was totally spontaneous. But at some point, it became more structuredbecausewe cared about each other. Brian would shave so that his beard growth didn’t scratch my thighs. I’d bring a washcloth and tuck it under the pillow so that when we finished, there wasn’t a wet spot.
Brian squeezes my hand. “Maybe you need someone to wash your back,” he says.
“Maybe I do.”
The door opens, and we jump apart, as if this is not our house, as if we are not married. Meret slips inside, just as surprised to see us there as we are to see her. She is barefoot and carrying my shoes. Her face is streaked with mascara, and she is struggling to hold back tears.
“Baby,” I breathe. “What happened?”
A battering ram ofthe worsthammers at my mind: she was date-raped, she was in an accident. Her face twists as she holds out my heels. “I broke the strap,” she sobs, and then she runs upstairs.
I look at Brian, bewildered. His hands clench and unclench; he has never done well with a tidal wave of emotion. “I’ll go,” I say.
In Meret’s room, I sit down beside her on the bed. I rub her back, waiting for the sobs to stop. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She shakes her head, but the story bleeds out.
The dance, under twinkle lights, at a camp on a lake. A DJ playing “Cotton-Eyed Joe.” Meret and Sarah, sitting to the side on a redwood picnic table, when two boys came over. Todd and Eric were not like a lot of the other boys in camp—they weren’t geeks. They were on the soccer team, doing STEM to boost their college résumés.
They had a flask.
Sarah took a drink, and so did Meret.
Todd came up with the idea to steal the rowboat, even though the waterfront was off-limits. It would only be for a little while. It would be romantic, Sarah said. So Meret went with the others, and itwasfun. It was messy and dirty and forbidden and she was in on it, instead of standing on the sidelines.
Eric got into the boat and helped Sarah in. But before Meret could climb inside, Todd stopped her.She’ll sink it,he complained, and Eric laughed.
Don’t say that,Sarah said.
Meret looked at her, so so so grateful.
Sarah smiled at the boys, and added:If she falls in, she’ll float.
They were laughing as Todd climbed in, as they rowed Sarah into the middle of the lake like a princess. They were talking scientifically about whether fat makes you sink or rise, when Meret ran away.
I grab Meret’s shoulders and I look her in the eye. “You are not fat,” I say slowly.
Her eyes spill over with tears. “Mom. Don’t lie to me, too.”
I want to ask how she got home, but I am afraid. I want to swaddle her in bubble wrap. I want to hunt down those asshole children and blister them.
She finally falls asleep, lashes damp and spiky, her hands curled over her chest.
When Meret’s breathing evens, I go to our bedroom. Brian is already in bed with the lights out. I give him the abridged version.
He is hurting for her, too, I know. But he swipes with that sore paw: “I told you she should have stayed home.”
Whatever hopes I had of being with him tonight are gone. His words are a sword in the middle of the bed, cutting the sheets to ribbons. I take my pillow and sleep in my office.
—
Scene from a marriage:
BRIAN (ENTERS KITCHEN):I overslept.
DAWN:There’s coffee.
