“And I’m going to keep overruling,” Judge O’Neill says.
When Wade and I practiced the answer to this question, he suggested I say,Every day.But I am thinking of how I lied about drinking, and how I can feel Jesus just behind me, and how He knows when you aren’t being true to yourself or to Him. So when the judge looks at me for a response, I say, “Not until Zoe came to talk to me about them, a month ago.”
For a second, I think Wade Preston is going into cardiac arrest. Then his features smooth. “And what did she say?”
“She wanted to use them to have a baby with her . . . with Vanessa.”
“How did you react?”
“I was shocked. Especially at the thought of my baby growing up in a house full of sin—”
“Objection, Your Honor!”
“Sustained,” the judge says.
Wade doesn’t even bat an eyelash. “What did you tell her?”
“That I needed time to think about it.”
“And what conclusion did you reach?”
“That it wasn’t right. God doesn’t want two women to raise a baby.Mybaby. Every child is supposed to have a mother and a father; that’s the natural order of things, according to the Bible.” I think about those animal cutouts Liddy and I made for the Sunday School kids. “I mean, you don’t see the animals going on the ark in girl-girl pairs.”
“Objection,” Angela Moretti says. “Relevance?”
“Sustained.”
“Max,” Wade asks, “when did you find out your ex-wife had embraced a lesbian lifestyle?”
I glance at Zoe. It is hard for me to imagine her touching Vanessa. It makes me feel like this new life of hers is a sham, or else ours was, and I just can’t let myself go there. “After we split up.”
“How did it make you feel?”
As if I had swallowed tar. As if I had opened my eyes and the world was suddenly only black and white, and no matter how I rubbed my eyes I could not bring the color back. “Like there was something wrong with me,” I say tightly. “Like I wasn’t good enough for her.”
“Did your opinion of Zoe change after you learned that she is living in a homosexual lifestyle?”
“Well, I prayed for her, because it’s a sin.”
“Do you see yourself as anti-gay, Max?” Wade asks.
“No,” I reply. “Never. I’m not doing this to hurt Zoe. I loved her, and I can’t erase the nine years we were married. I wouldn’twantto. I just need to look out for my children.”
“If this court sees fit to give you back your pre-born children, what’s your intention?”
“They deserve the best parents any kid could have. But I’m smart enough to realize that means someone other than me. That’s why I would want my brother, Reid, to have them. He and Liddy—they’ve taken care of me, they’ve loved me, they’ve believed in me. I’ve changed so much, for the better, because of them. I know I’d be part of the babies’ extended family, and that they would be raised in a Christian, two-parent household. They’d go to Sunday School and to church, and they’d grow up loving God.” I glance up, just like Wade told me to, and I say what we’ve practiced. “Pastor Clive told me that God doesn’t make mistakes, that everything happens for a reason. For a long time, I believed my life was a mistake. ThatIwas a mistake. But now I know I’m not. This was God’s plan all along—to bring me together with Reid and Liddy at the same time my pre-born children needed a home and a family.” I nod, convincing myself. “This is what I was put on this earth to do.”
“Nothing further,” Wade says, and, with an encouraging nod at me, he sits down.
When Angela Moretti starts walking forward, I realize what she reminds me of: some kind of jungle cat. A panther, I guess, with all that black hair. “Mr. Baxter, through the four years of your marriage when you tried naturally to conceive, and the five years of fertility treatments—did you believe Zoe would make a good mother?”
“Of course.”
“What is it today that makes her any less fit to raise a child?”
“She’s living a lifestyle that I think is wrong,” I say.
“It’s different from yours, granted,” the lawyer corrects. “Is the fact that she’s a lesbian the only detriment you see to Zoe being a parent?”
