Chapter41
GIANNA
The skyoutside the hospital waiting room windows is slowly turning lighter and lighter.But the darkness in my soul persists.And it’ll never go, never fade, never turn to light.Not until I feel the sunshine of Matteo’s gaze fall on me again.
I might never feel that again.
His sister Isabella is here too, pale as the pristine walls of this waiting room.Maria is sitting beside her, holding her hand, sometimes whispering encouraging words in her ear.Words Bella doesn’t seem to hear.Even when Blade comes in to comfort her, she barely stirs.Except to lean on him.
Matteo has had one surgery already.And just as the surgeon was explaining to us that it went as well as expected and that we could see him, he needed another.
That was hours ago.And my heart is only just starting to calm down.
The longer I face the darkness in me, the more permanent it becomes.The more it infuses my soul, chases out the last of the little sunlight of hope I’m managing to hold onto.So I walk over to Bella and touch her shoulder.
She looks up, gives me the most apologetic look I’ve ever seen.“This is all my fault.If I’d just married Dante like I was supposed to, none of this would’ve happened.”
I shake my head.“Dante is dead now and all that’s ancient history.And it was my father who shot Matteo, not you.”
I am still livid about that.But a part of me knows he was just trying to save me, that he couldn’t have known I was right where I wanted and needed to be.
“It’s the curse,” Bella says.“The curse of Ruin.It always destroys everything that is good in our lives.”
I lean down and give her a hug, squeezing her tight.“He’ll be fine.He’ll survive.Don’t worry.”
I have been telling myself the same thing all night and it helps.A little.I hear the words in my mom’s voice, and it would help a lot more if she were the one saying them to me.
And as though my wish was magical, the door of the waiting room opens and there she is.Mom, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her hands shaking.Lidia is right behind her, and I think my dad is there too, in the shadows of the dim hallway behind them.
“Gia, baby,” my mom says, voice shaking, tears streaming down her face as she rushes to me.Her gait is wobbly like she doesn’t believe she’ll actually reach me, like she thinks maybe I’m not here.
But I meet her halfway and catch her in my arms, hugging her tight.
“I thought I’d lost you,” she’s sobbing into my shoulder.“I thought I’d lost Chiara too.Like I lost Antonio.I couldn’t bear it.I couldn’t… “
“I’m here, Mama, I’m here.And I’m fine.”Tears are streaming down my cheeks too and so much joy is filling my chest that nothing, no kind of darkness can penetrate it.
Especially as Lidia comes over too and hugs us both.
For so long, all I wanted was to hold my mom, be held by her.And know my sisters are all right.And know my dad is too.
He’s standing just beside me, the expression on his face a fight between pure joy and something a lot darker.
“I thought I’d never see you again,” Lidia says, sobbing too.
“But here I am,” I tell her.“Here I am and I’m better than just fine.I’m… I’m exactly where I want and need to be.”
My dad clears his throat, the way he does when he wants attention.My mom and Lidia release their hold on me.We all look at him expectantly.Actually, I’m looking past him, can’t bear to look him in the eye.I’m still too angry at him and I don’t know if that will ever change.
“I didn’t know things had changed for you, Gianna,” he says.“I thought I was saving you.”
“I know,” I mutter and finally look at him.He sighs and opens his arms.I step into them.Hugs from my dad are rare, but they’re all the more potent because of that.I still don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive him, but this is a start.
“The doctor is coming,” Bella says in a shaky, quiet voice that nevertheless echoes across the room.
She’s right, the surgeon is walking down the corridor that leads to this waiting room from the direction of the operating rooms.It’s impossible to tell what her news is from the impassive expression on her face.But she seems to be looking right through us, and my heart is racing so hard that my whole body is vibrating, jostling that joy I felt a moment ago this way and that like it’s caught in a bad storm.
The doctor enters the waiting room, her eyes brushing over me and Bella.
