I already understand he doesn’t want to hurt me.But it’s not enough.
Chapter16
MATTEO
I figuredI could spend the afternoon with Gianna, kissing in the garden like I used to do with my girlfriends once upon a time, when I was still a teenager, before I moved out.But maybe that plan was already doomed the moment I decided to take her to the gazebo.
That place was not just my mom’s favorite spot in the garden.She could literally spend a whole day, or night, there if no one was paying attention.Someone usually was.Not on the night she took all those pills though.
My dad never spoke about my mom’s addiction to pain killers, or her depression and she tried to pretend nothing was wrong in front of us kids.But she had bouts of depression so deep we wouldn’t see her for days.And days with so much energy she couldn’t stop moving.I loved those days, we all did.But she needed more help than she was getting, that’s for sure.
She was just another victim of the family curse of ruin, as far as I’m concerned.Nothing to be done.Can only be endured.Hopefully outrun for long enough to at least enjoy some of your life.
I thought I was more over her death than I clearly am.
Or maybe my foul mood now is just the direct result of not being able to give Gianna what she asked for.I would.If I thought her old man would give me his best if he had her back.But I don’t.
Codelli is a sly bastard.Quick to lie if it serves him.Quick to double cross you when it suits him.And I’m sure he’s still got connections we know nothing about.Even out here in California.People who could help him and his family go into hiding.
I’m not losing Goldie in that kind of stupid way.
She’ll be free of me soon enough thanks to the curse anyway.
And the fact that the curse likes to take much-loved women in my family didn’t make my mood any better.My mother was just one of them.There was also my great-grandmother.Several mistresses.My sister that I never knew because she was born and died before me.
Good thing none of the guys I passed tried to speak to me, because I’d probably bite their head off, making this alliance of men who’ve come here to help me even more strained and brittle.I need to motivate them, become the leader they’ll want to follow.Instead, I’m just postponing things and thinking of Gianna.
It needs to stop.
And since it has to be done and I’ve put it off long enough, I head to the stables which is where I put Rafaelle Santi, the Codellis’ former head of security.I’ve personally locked him into a room there and haven’t let anyone but Caputo near him.We’d killed many of his friends and family during Ferro’s bloody rise to power.Too many for him to ever forgive.I don’t want to kill the guy.But I also think keeping him alive could prove too dangerous.
My horse Stella lived and died in this stable.It’s been empty ever since my brother’s horse also went, but the place still smells of horses, hay, and leather.The saddles and bridles are still hanging off the pegs on the walls and I still get a familiar jolt of excitement as I near Stella’s stall.I loved that horse, loved riding her, loved grooming her, loved feeding her.She was like freedom on four legs.And I never felt anything like I’d felt while galloping her through the desert.No matter how fast I drive.No matter how fast and powerful the car I’m driving is.
Rafaelle is on the top floor in one of the storage rooms.He’s made a cot for himself out of some horse blankets and is sitting on it as I enter, glaring at me and that look in his eyes cuts worse than any knife.Which is why I don’t think it’s a good idea to arm him while I’m nearby.But I also don’t want to let him go and have him come for me in the night.
“What is the point of keeping me locked up in basements and now stables?”he says.“I’ll never join you and I’ll never forget what you did.”
“Or forgive, gotcha,” I say and sit on a rickety old stool with my back to the door.Our stable master Luigi would sit on this stool, while mending saddles and harnesses and such.And I’d sit on the floor next to him and listen to his stories.I’d completely forgotten about that until this very moment.He also died in this stable.
“Or forgive you, that’s right,” he says.“So no use keeping me alive.”
“Been doing it since the start, and I see no reason to stop just yet.”
The look he gives me is comical in its confusion.
“You stabbed me in the stomach.And dragged me out of that house so Ferro’s men could beat on me.”
“That’s all true,” I say.“But I also told you to get the Codellis to safety and didn’t stab you deep enough to kill you.”
I can see in his eyes that he knows that very well.After a few moments of glaring at me, he nods.
“It did appear that you weren’t trying to kill me, yes,” he says.“But nothing you’ve done since has confirmed that suspicion.”
“The wheels were in motion, I couldn’t stop them,” I say, wondering if I ever truly wanted to.My only aim was to shelter Gianna from the worst of it.I only half succeeded in that.
“Tell me, did you know you’d be betraying us since that night you weaseled yourself into our employ?”
The expression on his face is plainly telling me he is certain that I did.
