My jaw worked side to side, the sound of my teeth like nails scraping on a chalkboard. “My personal business is just that. I didn’t call you here to discuss my sex life.”
“Well, Prez,” Jackal said, “what you do behind closeddoors is your business alone, but how you act and what you do outside of that is all of our business. And not for nothing, she’s part of the club now. Sort of.”
I knew what he meant by sort of. She wasn’t patched. She wasn’t club property, she was just mine. So there was some grey area there.
Falcon leaned up. “Hawk, you said this wasn’t officially Church. So we’re just sayin’, it’s nice to see you in a better mood.”
“But it’s weird that you didn’t comb your fucking hair,” Eagle said.
Strumming my fingers on the table, I picked up the almost empty mug with my other hand and drank the rest down. “This isn’t Church, but you fuckers need to be on the lookout for any Heathens while you’re down there. Keep your ears open and your eyes peeled for anything else we need to know about. The rest of us may be doing a little local recon. Keys has been combing over leads so we need to make a few visits.”
“Don’t try to be a hero,” Jackal said.
“I’ll be with him,” Rooster said. It was still strange hearing him speak, but even if he hadn’t, I knew he had my back.
I didn’t prove to Pops I’d be the right one to take his place by playing it safe. And I’d never send my brothers to do something I wouldn’t do, so I often ran toward the enemy first.
He was right on some level, though. I wasn’t scared to die, but I did want to find Pops’ killer and eventually enjoy being president for a while before that happened. As not onlythe president of this chapter, but the official national president finally, I had a bigger target on my back now than ever before.
“You guys just stay sharp, especially on the ride there and back. The last time any Heathens were seen was further north, but those idiots are the last thing we need to deal with right now.”
After a few more small reminders, I headed outside to see them off. Falcon and Jackal were heading down with their Old Ladies and a few members were taking some bunnies.
They were loading up the SUV some of the ladies were riding in, but Eagle walked over, gripping my shoulder to lead me away from the group.
Once we’d made it closer to the fire pits that had long burnt out since the night before, I pulled out a smoke and waited for what he needed to tell me.
“Thanks for letting us go down, Prez,” Eagle told me.
Blowing my smoke away from him, I asked, “What did you really want to say?”
Eagle scratched at this short scruff he’d grown out the last two days. “Look, we were just fuckin’ with you, Hawk. Don’t get all in your head about Katya.”
“Is that it?”
He smacked his hand down on my shoulder. “Hawk, take it from me. There’s no point in this show. Just take it for what it is and don’t fuck it up. I promise you, it’s not worth it.”
Eagle was one of my oldest friends. And he fucked around with Lacy and almost lost her. She’s an angel and veryforgiving, though. She also smacked some sense into him. He’s grown as a person a lot in the short time they’d been together.
Checking the area to be sure nobody else could hear me, I told him, “I didn’t ask for this. I can’t have distractions right now.”
His brow rose. “Hawk, buddy, you are so far in fucking la-la land right now it’s not even funny.” He used his other hand to poke me in the chest. “You’re going to bemoredistracted the more you fight it. It wasn’t that long ago I was dealing with this shit. Do you not remember having to keep me in check?”
“You’re gonna miss the caravan,” I deadpanned.
Sighing heavily, he patted my shoulder. “You were the one who told me the club was the first thing, but not the only thing.” Then he headed toward the others. I finished my smoke as I watched them all ride away for a few days.
I didn’t think he was an expert, but maybe there was some truth to his words. Well,mywords that he threw in my face. When things weren’t going well with him and Lacy, he had his head up his ass, which did us no good. Even I noticed the difference in him once he got things right with her.
I still didn’t like this feeling. I’d never craved anything the way I craved her. It rendered me powerless, and I had to be in control. If I let my guard down and let my emotions come into play, would I be able to manage everything?
Glancing back toward the garage where Pops’ bike sat covered and untouched since it was restored and brought home, my chest burned.
Eagle made some good points, but remembering why Idecided to try to distance myself flooded back. She knew what she signed up for, just like I did. I needed to get my head on straight. We had work to do.
Flicking my cigarette away, I headed back to the house to shower and change. I didn’t hear anything when I got inside so I figured she was sleeping and took my boots off at the door before hanging my cut.
She was in bed when I went to the bedroom, so I padded over the carpet quietly and turned the knob to the bathroom door so it didn’t click.
