Billie had been sittingon the couch in the exact same spot Ella had left her in. If she closed her eyes and blocked everything else out, she could still smell Debra’s perfume in the air. It was a scent that didn’t usually belong in Billie’s neutral space, but it was a reminder that she had been there today, and nothing terrible had happened as a result of it. It was proof that the last twenty-four hours hadn’t been some stress-induced distortion.
She hoped Debra had received the flowers she’d sent. Billie knew it wasn’t enough, it didn’t even scratch the surface when it came to an apology, but Debra enjoyed flowers, and Billie knew they would brighten her flat up after the misery Billie had taken into it the night before.
All you can do is be honest moving forward.
Billie didn’t know what that looked like from her side of things, but Debra didn’t strike her as the kind of woman who would push away that honesty. In fact, just a few weeks ago, she’d asked for Billie’s honesty and nothing more.
Yeah, but your honesty just got a whole lot bigger than most people can handle.
It was true, but Billie still believed Debra was the right woman to share her past with. After all, she was the only woman who had managed to successfully turn Billie’s head in a long time.
She stared down at her hands when a knock at the door came. Not the buzzer, not a call to say someone was downstairs, but a gentle, cautious knock. Whoever it was, they knew the access code downstairs.
A strange sensation worked its way down her spine.
Debra had asked her for the code this morning when Billie’s hands had shook too much for her to enter it herself. And she’d said she would check on Billie this evening. Still, if itwasDebra, Billie hadn’t expected her to make the trip across London.
When she opened the door, Debra stood there with her coat buttoned up and her car keys in her hand. Billie recognised the stance. Debra was deciding whether she wanted to be invited in or not.
“Hi. I just wanted to check on you. I wasn’t sure if it was okay to stop by, but I didn’t really want to do it over the phone.”
“Of course it is. Come in.” Billie stepped aside and smiled as Debra crossed the threshold. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, thank you. I won’t stay long. You’re probably exhausted.”
Instead of insisting she put the coffee machine on, Billie joined Debra on the couch and folded her hands in her lap. God, even she knew she looked as though she was holding herselftogether. And right now, she was. Because she had no idea how this conversation was going to go. Billie…desperatelywanted to try with Debra.
“I know today has been a lot for you.”
Billie smiled weakly. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“So, I’m going to ask you once, and I want you to be honest with me.” Debra studied her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m…managing. Which is usually my goal.”
Debra’s mouth curved slightly, but there was a sadness there. “You don’t always have to manage.”
“I know. It’s something I’ll work on.”
The room fell silent, mostly because Billie didn’t know where to go with anything next. Debra had sat away from her; she’d shown concern and said no more, and now Billie didn’t know what to lead with. She didn’t know what came next in terms of being a normal human being with emotions.
“I got your flowers,” Debra said as she loosened the scarf around her neck. “Stunningly beautiful.”
“I hope they didn’t feel like an intrusion.”
“They didn’t. They were thoughtful.” Debra shifted on the couch. “I’ve been thinking about everything that’s happened. About last night and what you went through.”
Billie’s stomach knotted instinctively.
“I don’t think now is the right time to unpack all of it. Not when it’s still so raw.”
Relief and disappointment washed over Billie in equal measure.
“I think it may be for the best if I step back for a little while.”
There it was. The sentence Billie had been bracing foranddreading.
“To give you space. Time, too. I think you need room to breathe.”
