Hands flat on your thighs.
Palms down.
Back straight.
Head bowed.
She bowed her head and swallowed. Her body knew this posture, and it remembered it far better than she wanted to admit. Billie’s breathing came unevenly, but she forced it slower, counting under her breath the way she used to.
Don’t look up unless you’re told to.
Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.
Apologise first.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered to the closed door, the words spilling out before she could stop them. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to want anything. I forgot…” Her breath stuttered. “I forgot my place.”
If she could find the composure to rehearse her lines properly and fully, maybe the pain wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she would make it home tonight in one piece.
Her shoulders shook once before she forced them still again.
The truth was, she deserved whatever came next.
“I know I shouldn’t be here. I know I don’t deserve to be.” Emotion welled in her throat. “I’m sorry for wanting you.”
She pressed her lips together and composed herself. Crying only made things worse, and she couldn’t afford to fall apart yet. She stayed exactly where she was as she reached forward and knocked on the door. As she waited obediently, Billieknewwhat this was, and sheacceptedwhat it was. She wasn’t here to be forgiven. She was here to be judged.
Chapter Twenty-Two
There wasa knock at the door, jolting Debra from her intense train of thought. She hadn’t been able to focus onanythingsince the moment she’d stepped out of Brown & Co., nothing other than seeing Billie in that position with Nina, anyway.
Debra rose to her feet, choosing not to check the peephole. She didn’t even pause to breathe. Her body had recognised the dread instantly, that hollow drop in her stomach that came only with one name, one face, and one ache she hadn’t yet learned how to survive.
She opened the door and immediately froze.
Billie was on her knees.
Not collapsed or crouching…kneeling.Deliberately.
She’d never seen anyone looking so still.
Billie’s head was bowed, her shoulders were rigid, and her hands rested on her thighs as though someone had shaped her into that position and she didn’t dare move. The rain had slicked her hair to her forehead, and her coat lay abandoned beside her on the landing.
Debra didn’t quite understand what she was seeing. Her brain refused to make sense of it, scrambling for arational explanation. Was this some kind of mistake or misunderstanding?
How the hell does someone mistakenly drop to their knees?
Before she had the chance to figure out what was going on here, Billie lifted her eyes, and Debra’s anger ignited.
“What the hell are you doing?” she snapped, the words tearing out of her mouth before she could soften them. “Have you lost your mind?”
Billie flinched.
Actuallyflinched.
Debra had seen Billie hold her ground several times now. Whether it was during a call with a demanding client, or Nina’s thinly veiled attitude, or even Debra herself pushing Billie just to watch her unravel…sheneverflinched.
Not until now.
