“No, we don’t.” Her gaze swept up Billie’s half-naked body. “You…you’re disgusting.”
A thick and suffocating silence descended on the office as Billie’s posture changed. Her shoulders stiffened and her jaw locked…and the person Debrathoughtshe knew had just vanished before her very eyes, retreating far further than she had before. Debra watched it happen; she saw the woman she’d touched so carefully harden.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” Debra said as she lifted a hand and took a step back. “I don’t know why I bothered at all. Perhaps I thought you would have been different after seeing me at the restaurant. But you’re just the same as you always are. I don’t need that in my life.”
That did it. Whatever fragile thread Billie had been holding onto had snapped.
“I told you to forget about me!” Billie’s voice was stone cold and distant in a way Debra had never heard before. Her nostrils flared as she clenched her hand into a fist and slammed it down on the desk. “You should have listened!”
The shift in Billie was brutal. Debra’s breath caught as she stared back at her. “Oh, there you are. The real Billie Brown.”
Billie’s face fell, the colour draining from it in real time.
“I won’t make the mistake of seeking you out again.”
“Debra! Wait!”
But Debra was already turning and leaving the office. She didn’t want an explanation, and she didn’t want Billie to try to undo the damage. She just wanted to get home so her heart could break within the privacy of her miserable four walls.
Chapter Twenty-One
Billie remained exactlywhere she was, frozen between the desk and the doorway, her hands braced on her knees as she fought to draw breath into her lungs. The leather at her waist suddenly felt unbearable, and what usually made her feel powerful…resembled nothing more than a mistake now. Proof of something Debra had not only misunderstood but seen.
“Billie,” Nina stepped closer. “I-I didn’t know she was?—”
“Don’t.”
Billie’s hands went straight to her waist, her fingers shaking as they fumbled with the harness buckle. She missed it once, then again, and Nina immediately noticed.
“Do you want me to?—”
“Get it off,” Billie whispered.
She wasn’t focusing on Nina anymore. She wasn’t really seeing the room at all.
“Please, get it off. I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have been wearing it. I shouldn’t have—” She tried again, but her fingers slipped once more. That was when something broke in her. “No, no, no,” Billie muttered, her words tumbling over themselves as her breathing grew more and more ragged. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.”
Don’t panic. Don’t move. Don’t make it worse.
But the panic surged anyway, rushing up her throat. Her body remembered even when her mind tried to forget.
Don’t raise your voice, Billie.
Don’t move until I tell you to.
Look at me when you apologise.
You’re only good when you’re quiet.
She heard the sound of fabric shifting behind her, and it sent a jolt straight up her spine.
“Billie,” Nina said carefully. “You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m here.”
Billie hunched her shoulders inwards, protecting herself from the hardest blows she knew were coming, hoping she could make herself smaller in the huge space around her. “I didn’t mean to,” she whispered again. “I promise I’ll be better. I’ll do it right next time. I won’t push.” Her voice cracked completely. “I won’t make you angry.”
She caught Nina inching closer out of the corner of her eye, but she had nowhere to turn. She felt exposed and it was all her own fault. If she hadn’t upset anyone, she wouldn’t be in this position.
“Please, don’t.”
