Billie closed her eyes until the burn behind them eased.
Debra wasn’t her ex. She wasn’t cruel, or unpredictable, or volatile. No, Debra was the opposite entirely. She was steady and thoughtful. She was the kind of woman Billie would have been safe withifshe was capable of being safe with anyone.
But Billie knew what happened when she cracked herself open. The last time she’d done that, she hadn’t survived it intact. And just last week, when Nina’s jealousy had reared its head, Billie had felt her carefully ordered world shift in ways she couldn’t afford. She didn’t have women fighting over her. She didn’t allow anyone close enough to feel as though she was worth fighting for.
She wasnotdragging Debra into a world she didn’t understand herself. No way. She couldn’t do that to her. She swallowed and curled her fingers around the edge of her desk until her knuckles turned white.
Debra had walked into this building believing Billie was just a tailor. Someone polished and put together with her life perfectly in order. Someone…mildly intimidating. She didn’t know about the darker parts of Billie’s life. The parts shaped by the woman who broke her down to nothing. She also didn’t know about the carefully controlled dynamics Billie had built with people like Nina to keep herself detached and safe. She didn’tknowanythingreal, and Billie wasn’t sure she could survive being known.
She pressed her palms to her eyes and forced steady breaths, while the stillness of the office wrapped around her like a shroud. It was safe, but for the first time, it was also suffocating.
You’ve done the right thing.
She had. She was sure of it.
She kept repeating it in her head until she almost believed it.
Once her pulse finally started to settle, she reached for her phone. No missed calls…no hopeful bubble of text waiting.
Still, she found herself opening the last message she’d received from Debra some five days ago. One she hadn’t expected, and as she sat here now, one she knew she didn’t deserve.
When you’re ready, you know where to find me.
She fought down the emotion in her throat and placed her phone back down on her desk. If the hollow ache behind her sternum refused to fade down the line, well…she’d lived with worse.
Standingout on the pavement with her expensive suit boxed in one hand, her other limp at her side, the cool air hit Debra’s face, sobering her immediately. She inhaled a deep breath, aware of the sting behind her eyes, hoping and praying she could hold the tears at bay. She couldn’t do this here. Not on the pavement. She couldn’t fall apart outside Billie Brown’s immaculate world, where she had just been told with devastating calm to ‘forget her.’
She stepped away from the doorway, hugging the box to her chest as she walked a few paces down Savile Row. Her heelsclicked against the wet paving stones, echoing off the shopfronts as she put one foot in front of the other. She stopped near the end of the street, hidden beside a doorway, and pressed her knuckles to her lips.
God, she’d been a fool to think Billie had let her in. A fool to think the brightness in Billie’s eyes meant anything more than a momentary lapse of control. A fool to imagine that the night they’d spent together and the way Billie looked at her as though she was memorising the shape of Debra had meant enough for her to stay.
Debra forced her tears back, but her vision shimmered anyway. She hadn’t cried like this in years. Not since her marriage, and she’d learned to swallow tears long before they ever fell. But this felt different. This felt far more personal than she was prepared for.
Maeve. She needed Maeve. She needed that upbeat voice and the humour. She needed her grounding presence and someone who loved her without complication. She tugged her phone from her overcoat pocket and called her best friend’s number.
“Deb! I was just thinking about you. Are you outside? Jesus, it sounds windy.”
“I…yes. I’m outside.”
“What’s going on? You don’t sound yourself, love.”
The worry in Maeve’s voice almost finished her off once and for all. Debra swallowed, trying to speak around the emotion lodged in her throat. “Maeve, are you free?” She asked, wincing at how thin her voice sounded. “I could really do with talking to you right now.”
The pause on the other end was instantaneous, and then… “Where are you? What’s happened? Are you okay?”
Debra pressed a hand to her forehead. “I’m fine. I’m not hurt. I just…” Her voice broke as she closed her eyes against the rush of embarrassment. Because that’s what she was beginning tofeel—embarrassed for ever finding herself enamoured by Billie Brown. “I need someone who knows me.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Maeve’s tone softened. “Tell me where you are. I’m coming now.”
“Savile Row,” Debra said. “Outside Brown & Co.”
“You sound like you’re about to burst into tears, Deb. Something tells me there’s more to this than a hemline gone wrong.”
A shaky laugh escaped her, and then tears spilled down her cheeks. “It’s…it’s about Billie. I haven’t been very forthcoming with the truth, and it’s now a little more complicated than having a suit fitting.”
“You can explain complicated in person. Give me ten minutes, and I’ll be there.”
Debra wiped at her cheeks and tried to steady her breathing. “Thank you.”
