She dressed as quickly as she could, smoothing each button and straightening each seam, as though restoring order to her appearance might restore order within her.
She looked down at Debra. She was curled into the duvet, her hair a sleep-mussed halo, those full, tender lips parted slightly. She looked so open in that moment, so vulnerable and at peace, that it made Billie’s stomach twist.
Debra had fallen asleep trusting she’d wake with Billie still here, but Billie wasn’t built for that kind of expectation.
She wanted to stay. God, she wanted to lie back down, close her eyes, and pretend she was the kind of woman who could do this. The person who could wake in someone’s arms and not feel the foundations of her world tilt. But she wasn’t that woman, she likely never would be, and Debra deserved more than someone pretending to be ready for something she was still learning how to touch.
Billie slipped into the hallway and closed the bedroom door with a careful click. She didn’t leave a note. A note felt like a promise she wasn’t brave enough to make, and she refused to give Debra something half-formed or half-honest.
She paused at the front door, her hand resting on the handle. She needed space, and she needed control. She needed to remember who she was outside of the way Debra made her feel. And right now, she needed to leave before the fear crawling up her spine convinced her to run further than she already was.
As she stepped out and closed the front door, Billie realised for the first time in her entire adult life that walking away felt like the wrong choice to make. Still, she did it anyway.
Debra cracked one eye open,smiling as she groaned, her body cocooned in her heavy duvet. She hovered in that half-conscious space where the memory of the night before stuck firm in her mind, sighing when she recalled Billie’s hands, her breath, that laugh sending sparks through her as she’d pulled Debra closer in the dark.
Another contented sigh, and then she stretched out…reaching across the mattress in search of Billie’s warm skin, but she only found cold sheets. Her hand drifted over the empty space. The imprint of Billie’s body remained faintly in the mattress, but she was gone.
Debra’s eyes opened fully then.
Nothing looked disturbed. Her hoodie still hung over the chair in the window, the book she’d been reading resting where she’d left it…and the glass from last night was sitting on her bedside table. Nothing in the room suggested that someone else had been there at all, except for that unmistakable scent of Billie’s perfume that remained in the air.
God, it just made the lonely, empty space feel even lonelier.
She sat up slowly and pulled the duvet around herself. Perhaps it would shield her from the ache working its way to her chest. There was no note or message. She didn’t even recall a goodbye as Billie kissed her shoulder. There was…nothing.
She swallowed down an unexpected wave of emotion in her throat and sighed. It wasn’t that she was hurt exactly. It was…disappointment. A pang of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
She rose, crossed the room, and checked the hallway anyway. As she’d suspected, the place was empty. God, her flat feltdifferent without Billie in it. It felt hollow in places she hadn’t realised could feel hollow.
She pressed a hand to the doorframe, grounding herself.
Maybe Billie had been called into work. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to wake Debra. Or maybe she just wasn’t the type to wake in another woman’s bed. But Debra wasn’t naïve. She’d watched Billie last night, and the way she’d kissed with equal parts hunger and hesitation. She’d noticed the way her eyes softened before she pulled them back into piercing focus. Billie, sadly, moved through life like someone who had learned to restrain every instinct that could make her vulnerable.
It seemed that staying the night had been a slip, and leaving before dawn had been the correction.
Debra exhaled a slow breath and pushed her hair back. She wasn’t angry or upset. She wasn’t even surprised. She was just aware. Aware that Billie was fighting something she wasn’t ready to discuss. Aware that they were treading into territory where desire and fear intertwined. Aware…that this wasn’t going to be simple.
Her heart leapt into her throat when her phone vibrated on the bedside table. She rushed towards it, hoping it was the very woman she’d fallen asleep curled around last night. But it wasn’t Billie. It was Maeve.
Catch up soon? I miss you! Lots of love x
Debra would love to catch up with Maeve. She’d also love to have something to report in the Billie department, but that wasn’t looking likely. Not this morning.
She locked her phone and lowered herself to the edge of the bed, allowing herself one more moment to feel that disappointment before she set it aside and started her day.
Whatever Billie was running from, she wouldn’t push her about it. Not when last night had shown Debra how deeply Billiewanted her, even if she didn’t quite know how to hold that want in the light of day.
Instead, she unlocked her phone again and opened her messages with Billie.
She would only send one. Something that didn’t require answers that Billie wasn’t ready to give, but something that reminded Billie that Debra was here, she wasn’t in any rush, and she could give her time if that’s what was needed.
Good morning. I hope you got home safely.
She sent it off and closed her eyes. She would be patient, she would be quiet, and she would be willing to wait and see how Billie would eventually answer.
Billie swallowedas she stared down at her phone. Debra’s message sat on the screen, small but typically Debra, and Billie didn’t know what to do with it. She didn’t know whether to respond at all. She should, Debra deserved that, but Billie was worried about where this was headed.
Good morning. I hope you got home safely.
