“I know, but you love me.”
A few minutes later, Ella breezed into her apartment, carrying two bottles of wine and wearing the kind of grin that had gotten her out of trouble most of her life. On paper, they couldn’t have been more different. She was loud where Billie was quiet, and easy where Billie was precise. And still, as always, theonlyperson who never seemed to flinch under her scrutiny.
“God, it’s freezing.” Ella set the wine bottles down and rubbed her hands together, her boots kicked off by the door. “You’d think with all the money you have, you could afford to put the heating on.”
“You could always stay at home.” Billie gestured to the couch. “I’ve only just walked in. Give it twenty and your cold princess hands will be nice and warm.”
“I’m sure I’ll live.” Ella dropped onto the couch and patted the seat beside her. “Sit. Tell me what’s got you looking so glum.”
Billie gave her a look but sat down anyway, pouring wine into two glasses. “Do youalwayshave to be so observant?”
“Someone has to.” Ella accepted a glass, her eyes narrowing as she studied Billie. “All right, talk. What happened?”
Billie stared down at her own glass of wine. “I saw her.”
“And?” Ella didn’t have to ask who. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
“She was sitting by the river.” God, Billie hated seeing someone like Debra sitting alone. More so because she knew how Debra felt after their last fitting with one another. It just made the guilt eat away at her far quicker than she wanted it to. “Alone.”
“Did you talk to her?”
Billie sighed. “Yes.”
“And?”
“And nothing. We talked about…whatever. Nothing of any substance.” Billie sipped her wine, aware that she’d just lied through her teeth. “It was fine.”
Ella leaned back and arched a brow. “It wasfine?”
“Yes.”
“Billie, I’ve known you for seventeen years. Your ‘fine’ voice means you’re currently considering leaving the city and starting over where nobody knows you. Try again.”
Billie shot her a look. “You just don’t let up, do you?”
“Not when I can see you unravelling.”
Fine. If she was doing this, she was doing it properly. She unbuttoned her waistcoat and made herself comfortable on the couch. “She makes me feel things I don’t want to feel, Ella.”
“That’s not a crime. It’s also not something you should be terribly worried about.”
“It is when you’ve spent years making sure you never fall for another woman again.”
Ella sighed as she studied Bille. “You know, for someone who claims they hate being understood, you make it remarkably easy for the right person.”
“Yeah, and that’s the problem. She saw through me.Completely. And I…I let her.”
Ella tilted her head. “Maybe you wanted to be seen.”
Billie laughed under her breath. “I wanted control. That’s all.”
“Billie.”
Clenching her jaw, Billie felt her frustration beginning to rise. “What?”
“You’ve been hiding behind that word for years. Control.” Ella set her glass down and took Billie’s hand. She couldn’t recallthe last time anyone had done that. “You can’t build a life around denial and expect it not to collapse when something real comes along.”
Billie didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to. She’d never been into people reading her, and Ella was no different.
