“My dad’s in the US.”
Debra nodded.
Billie rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “He moved there when I was younger. For work. He’s not a bad person. He’s just…not very present. Not the way people are supposed to be.”
Debra didn’t interrupt. She just listened, her hand now resting on Billie’s stomach.
Billie swallowed and continued. “We speak sometimes, but they’re just phone calls that feel like ticking boxes. Updates. Work. Weather. Anything except…anything real.”
Debra’s brows drew together, her gaze warm with understanding rather than pity. “And your mum?”
Emotion welled in Billie’s throat. She didn’t speak about her mum often, and especially not with people she was sleeping with, but Debra was different. She wasn’t just someone Billie was passing the time with or someone she’d met in a bar. No, Billie suspected that this woman was about to become the centre of her universe. “She…passed away when I was twenty-one.”
“Oh, Billie.”
“She was everything to me.” Billie cleared her throat, forcing herself not to retreat into the memory. “I didn’t realise how much I relied on her until she was gone. She was the one person I could fall apart with. The only one who saw me angry, or messy, or scared.” Billie sighed. “I was still young enough to think that mums were meant to live forever.”
Debra’s eyes shone with grief on Billie’s behalf. Like she was carrying it with her. Billiehatedbeing looked at like that, but with Debra, it didn’t feel suffocating. It felt…normal.
“You were only twenty-one,” Debra whispered. “Of course you thought that.”
“I buried her, on my own, and then I just…kept going. I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.”
Debra’s hand slid to the back of Billie’s neck, drawing her closer gently. Billie resisted the urge to flinch away from the softness. “And look at the woman you became…all on your own.”
Billie smiled. She was proud of the business she’d built, of course she was, but sometimes she wished her mum could see her now. “I don’t think I ever would have met Janet if Mum was still alive. And if I had, she wouldn’t have takenanyshit from her. She’d have stopped it all before it could even get going.”
“That’s what we do to protect our kids. I’d challengeanyoneto hurt one of mine.”
Billie searched Debra’s eyes. While she imagined her to be a gentle parent, someone her kids didn’t feel afraid to speak to, she could see the fire behind the tenderness. Debra, beneath it all, was feisty. “I bet you were one of those cool mums when your kids were growing up.”
Debra shrugged. “I made sure they were looked after. That’s the most important thing to me.”
“You said they’re both at uni, right?”
“Yes. Sadly. It would have been nice to still have one of them around for a while. Charlotte will be finished at the end of next year, though. Unless she decides to go on and do something else…again.”
“Charlotte and…?”
“Caleb.” Debra smiled. “Unless you’re a gamer, he won’t want to know you. He just about tolerates ordinary conversations with me.”
Billie looked down between them and chewed her lip. “Do you think that’s something that could happen one day?”
“That he’ll enjoy an ordinary conversation?” Debra frowned. “I hope so.”
“No, that maybe I’ll meet them.” Billie didn’t know what Debra’s situation was as far as her dating history or sexuality were concerned. They were the sort of things she should have asked instead of bolting and leaving Debra with all kinds of questions. “Obviously, it’s fine if that’s not something you’re planning on. Like…if this is as far as it goes with us. You know, behind closed doors or whatever.”
“You think I want to keep this behind closed doors?” Debra drew back ever so slightly and looked deep into Billie’s eyes. “You really think that?”
“I don’t know what I think anymore. I just know that I don’t want to lose whatever last night was and this morning is, so if you’re not out or you think your kids won’t approve, then I can manage this however you want me to.”
Billie would like to think that she’d have the opportunity to beopenlyhappy with Debra, but she was taking whatever she could get. If that meant being Debra’s secret, then so be it.
“Billie, I have no issue introducing you to my friends and family. I’m fifty-two, I’ve lived a life that didn’t suit me in the end, and I don’t have time for opinions on who I have in my bed.”
“Yeah?” Billie smiled as she shifted closer. “Even if it’s me in your bed?”
“Especiallyif it’s you in my bed.”
