But maybe that… combined with this… means I’m meant to be alone in this world.
I give dad a placating smile. “I, uh, understand. It can’t be easy finding out your daughter is going to hell for being sexually attracted to women.” In fairness, she never said I was going to hell. Her heavy tendency toward religion and living for Christ, tells the story for itself. Going to hell is heavily implied.
“I’m not going to defend her. She has a long way to go if she wants to make things better with you and that starts with getting her priorities straight. I just know how she was when I walked out the door and I just don’t see it happening any time soon. I’m sorry, pumpkin.”
A lone tear wells up in the corner of my eye and I swipe it away. I refuse to give her the satisfaction.
“It’s okay, dad.” I tell him. “I don’t want her in my life if she doesn’t want to be here. There’s not much to share with her anyway…”
Dad cocks his head to the side and quirks a brow, silently encouraging me to give him more information.
“What?” I ask, feigning innocence.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“I may not actually be gay,” I admit through pursed lips, my face scrunched up like I’m bracing for impact. And by impact, I mean the moment he realizes everything was for nothing. “I think I’m actually bisexual.”
He takes a large gulp of his coffee and his expression falls flat. “Really? That’s your big announcement?”
“What? Maybe if I knew that the first time around, things wouldn’t be so bad between you and mom. I’m sorry I’m the reason for all of… this.” I wave my hands around the tiny apartment.
The laugh that falls from his lips is loud and boisterous. “It’s funny you think that would have changed anything. It wouldn’t make your mother less of a bitch, Dem. And… anything outside of a normal hetero relationship would never be acceptable to her. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I won’t say it again, young lady.”
Wow. I guess it’s a good thing she doesn’t know I fell for two people. Not that it matters now.
“Okay.” I respond, not having more words for him. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll eventually find my peace.
“Okay,” he repeats. “I hope you can forgive me.”
How could I not? “I forgive you, Dad. Don’t get me wrong, that day lives rent free in my mind as one of the worst days of my life. But… I’m just glad you’re here now. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
Tears begin to fall freely at my admission and he stands, reaching out for my hands and pulling me from my seat to wrap me in the warmest hug. My dad gives the best hugs.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” Dad admits as he rubs my back in an attempt to soothe my sadness. I think it might be working. “I love you, pumpkin.”
“I love you, too, Dad. More than you’ll ever know.”
We stay like that for a little while, until my eyes are dry and we’re both finally ready to move on from this.
Once we part, I look him dead in the eye and smile. “Can I crash on your couch?”
He smiles back, nodding as he says, “Sure. As long as you tell me about this guy you’re seeing.”
36
Demi
“I’m heading to the store to get stuff for dinner. Want anything in particular?” Dad inquires as he slips his shoes on and grabs his jacket.
I’ve been here about a week and I keep offering to dosomething, but he refuses to let me lift a hand. I suspect his gay guilt is leading that front right now. I’ve accepted more than one apology already and I’m ready to move on from it, but he clearly is not.
Iamlooking for work, though. It’s non-negotiable. I’ll work until I save enough money to get my own place. And then? Well, I don’t know what. But honestly, that’s a problem for down the road Demi.
“Nah. I’m all set, Dad. Dealer’s choice.” I offer him a soft smile and just as he reaches for the door, I add, “Maybe not salmon patties again, though.”
“I knew it! I could tell by the way you were twisting your face up that you didn’t like them.”
“Well, maybe if you hadn’t paired it with mac and cheese, I’d be more amenable,” I mumble under my breath, then mock gag on my index finger.
