When she told me she loved me, it had my heart pounding so hard in my chest, I feared it would break right through. My mind is still spinning a hundred miles an hour at her admission and I don’t remember the last time I told someone, that wasn’t family or Hayes, that I loved them. Come to think of it, I never have.
I lay on the bed and pull her to me, resting her head on my bare chest. I’m grateful her breathing has leveled, but I need to push her to talk about this before she scares herself into shutting down and puts all those concrete walls around her heart back up. We just worked real hard to tear them down, I’d rather she not take the steps backward.
“Hey,” I grab hold of her chin and direct her eyes to mine. “Look at me.”
She does, but I can see the tears already starting to form. The last thing I want to do is make her cry. Well, at least not this way.
“I said, I love you too, Bella.” I’m pretty sure I’ve loved her for a while now, but I was afraid of what that would mean for us. There’s still stuff we need to figure out.
“Do you mean it?” Her words are spoken so softly, I can barely hear them.
“I wouldn’t say the words if I didn’t. I promise you that.” Her shoulders relax a little as my words take hold. “I haven’t said them to a partner–ever.”
“I believe you,” she says in a quiet, unsure voice. “I didn’t mean to tell you like that. I think I’ve been feeling it for a whilenow. I don’t know. Something changed in me tonight and I needed to get the words out.”
Tugging her tighter into my chest, I place a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, baby. I felt it, too.”
If I could, I’d freeze time and stay in this room, in this moment, with her forever. I’d shelter her from everything that threatens her, emotional or otherwise, if it was possible. Unfortunately, I know life doesn’t work that way. We’ll eventually have to leave this bubble we've created, and go back to our lives.
“Did you mean the otherthing?” she asks.
“Sweet girl, you’re going to have to be more specific. I said a lot ofthingstonight.”
She clears her throat, like she needs to work up to saying the words.
“Did you mean it when you said you wanted to get me pregnant?”
Okay, we’re doing this. I half expected she was too out of it to even register that I said it, but the short answer is, “Yes.”
“I didn’t think I wanted kids,” she explains. “I was always afraid I’d be a bad mother, and didn’t think it would be worth the risk. Children deserve love.”
Is she really saying she doesn’t think she can give children love? Of course she is. The sole parent that raised her was a piss poor example of a loving mother. “If you think you’d be anything but an amazing mother, you’re fucking mistaken. Any man would be lucky to have kids with you, but I do hope that man might be me… one day.”
“So if I got pregnant tonight, you’d be happy? You wouldn’t feel trapped? You’re so much more experienced in everything.”Is that her way of saying I’m old?“I guess I never considered it as a possibility, because I figured you wouldn’t want them at your age.”Yep. She’s calling me old.
“I get it, I’m old. No need to keep rubbing it in,” I joke as I poke her in the side, eliciting a giggle. “I wanted kids once, a long time ago, but it just never happened. Then Hayes and I built Gravity, and I’ve been married to my job ever since. It wasn’t until you came along, that the thought even crossed my mind. It started, because I was worried you’d want them when I didn’t. That escalated into not wanting to lose you, which then resulted in me imagining the process of knocking you up. You get the gist.”
“Yeah. I think I do.” She lets out a long, slow yawn before I glance down to see she’s already passed out. I don’t sleep. Instead, I lie awake, imagining what a future might look like, with Bella by my side.
I let her sleep for a bit, but it’s time to go home. I want to tuck her into my bed and hold her until… well, forever. I’d carry her if I wasn’t so exhausted myself. I’m not even close to being new, but that amount of intense topping will have an effect on even the most experienced Dom, and I’m spent. Emotionally and physically.
She’s still nestled in the crook of my neck as I sweep the side of my index finger, lightly against her cheek. “Wake up, sweet girl. It’s time to go home.”
All I get in return are sleepy whines and groans. I’ll take that as she doesn’t want to move. Me either.
“I know you want to sleep, baby. So do I, but we need to do that at home, where we can be more comfortable.”
She doesn’t budge.
Jesus, she’s fucking out cold. Time to test out my stern daddy voice. “Arabella Olivia Bradley! Get. Up. Now.”
She stirs next to me, lifting her head to shoot me a tired, expressionless glare. Fuck, she’s adorable. “I don’t like it when you use my full name, you know.”
“Then, wake up so we can go and maybe I won’t have to use it again,” I grin while pointing to the corner of the room. “Your clothes are in that bag over there. Behave, or I’ll make you walk to the car just like this, bed head and all.”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Oh, wouldn’t I? I seem to remember I had you crawling in here on your hands and knees with your bare cunt on display for the entire club earlier. You think I’d have a problem with youwalkingout in lingerie and messy hair?” I can’t stop the chuckle that escapes me at the thought. I’m unsure if I’m happy or not, that she moves.
