“Well, I'm not calling just to check in, as a matter of fact.Some folks in town have been putting their heads together for a way to help you and Noel out that's not more casseroles."
I laugh at this."Please, Jesus, no more casseroles, Jim.I'm grateful as hell to have so much food, but it's more than I can eat in a fuckin' year at this point.”
"We're aware, buddy, trust me.Gemma McKay, who brought you the green bean casserole, said you could barely fit another tray in the freezer."
I groan."God bless Gemma, she's a sweet old bird, but I gotta be honest, Jimbo, that green bean casserole is…"
"The only reason Campbell's still makes cream of mushroom soup?"
"What the fuck eveniscream of mushroom soup, though?"I ask, laughing.
Jim laughs with me and then turns serious."They're talking about doing a fundraiser, Noah.Raffling off stuff donated by community businesses, shit like that."
I try to make sense of this."Jimbo, Noel took care of the bills, or what was left after insurance and such.We don't need anyone's money."
"I know, that's why I'm calling."He sighs, clears his throat, coughs and hacks phlegm, spits, and starts over.“Yuck, sorry.Anyway, yeah, I know you don't need or want moneyormore food.But the folks just want you to know they're there for you."
I let out a breath."I can’t very well tell them no, can I?"
"Everyoneloved Taylor, Noah.Kathy has been pestering me to ask for her Kodiak Casserole recipe so she can try to make it for you the way Taylor did."
"I'm grateful for the thought, Jim, but that would…it'd hurt too much."
"I know.Why do you think I haven't tried to get it from you?”He sighs."I think we gotta redirect their energies.Give you some peace and some space."
I let out a shaky exhale—thank god for Jimmy, an intuitive and empathetic man who understands where I'm at.I need space.I need time.I'm grateful that the community is rallying around us.I'd have starved those first few days if not for them.Same for Noel.But now?I need to be left alone; I need to be treated normally.I just don't know how to say that.
"Now that Noel's back in town," Jimy is saying, "what if we put together a hockey game?A few years back, after my cousin Phil was killed during a routine traffic stop, his community put together a cops-versus-firefighters hockey game, and the proceeds from the ticket sales went to his family.Guns ‘N Hoses, they call it, I guess."He continues before I can interject."I knowyoudon't need the money, but what if we did it in Taylor's name and the proceeds went to a charity or something?"
This gets my attention."Not a bad idea, Jimbo.Not a bad idea at all."
"Noel's back in town, too, and I know the folks would love see their hometown hero on the ice again."
"I dunno if he'd play in it, though," I said.“The rest of us around here play for fun.Rec leagues and pickup games, shit like that.Noel is one of the best players to ever touch ice, Jimbo.The Skyhawks are already planning to retire his number.Him on the ice with the rest of us would be like…I dunno.Me playing against the Peewees.”
"True, true.Maybe he'd coach or something.Just having him involved would get butts on benches."
“I'll talk to him.I love the idea of a hockey game in Taylor's name.She was never so happy as when she was on the benches watching Noel practice or me playing rec league games."My heart cracks and my eyes burn and my throat goes hot and tight."She'd have her grandpa's Stanley thermos full of hot cocoa and her hand-warmers and her blanket, and she'd just hang out and watch us on the ice.No one was prouder of our boy than she was, Jimbo."
"I'll make it happen.Where do you want the proceeds to go?"
"I gotta think about that one."
"Take your time.I'll get the ladies working on plans in the meantime.You need anything, you just let us know."
"How's about the four horsemen head upriver for some flyfishing?"I say."Can you make that happen?"
"You know it, Noah.I'll call the guys and find a day.When's your next stretch off shift?"
"Just started my forty-eight off today, so…" I glance at the SkyHawks Hockey calendar on the fridge, which features the Skyhawks players in varying degrees of undress; Noel gave it to Taylor as a joke, and I can't bring myself to get rid of it."Next Tuesday."
"Plan on heading out at dawn on Tuesday, then.Pack your shit for a few days on the river and let us worry about everything else."
Gasping for breath and dripping sweat, I hold my helmet by the chinstrap in one hand and the microphone with the other, my stick in the same hand as my helmet.For a few moments, I just take it all in—the bleachers of Tomlin Falls' ice rink are packed.I'm pretty sure literally the entire population of the town is here, except the skeleton crews at the firehouse, police station, and hospital.
"Hey, everyone.Most of you know me, but for those who don't, I'm Captain Noah Austin.I just wanted to take a second and thank you all for showing up today.Obviously, we all love a good hockey game, right?"Cheers and applause greet this.“We're Alaskans, after all!”More cheers."But this wasn't just any hockey game; it’s not just a fundraiser, either."
Gathering my fortitude, I drift toward center ice, away from the home team bench."We're here to honor and remember my wife, Taylor Austin.She was a fixture in this town.To know her, to meet her even once, was to love her.After she passed, you guys, the community here in Tomlin Falls…you showed Noel and me so much love and care, and I can't thank you all enough.Truly, from the bottom of my heart,thank youfor the kindness and generosity you all showed us.It came to my attention that you felt the meal train wasn't enough.You wanted to raise money."I pivot slowly on my skates, seeing familiar faces and those less familiar."I appreciated the thought, but I couldn't possibly take your money.Butthis?"I gesture around us, at the cops on the away bench, the firefighters on the home bench, and them, the audience."Thisis you honoring Taylor.We play some hockey, a game my wife loved to watch from those very seats, and we raise money and spend time together as a community.I honestly can't think of a better way to show Taylor that we're thinkin' about her."
