"I pushed him off me, and I punched him in the nose."
"Good job!That's the way, baby."
"I wanted to just keep punching him.I was so mad and scared, and I was shaking, and I was afraid I'd, like, not stop punching him."
"Valid."
"I got dressed and I left.I just…I couldn't believe what happened.It was…it was like he became someone else.He followed me out, apologizing and crying and all that, mainly because I broke his nose.He claimed later it got broken during practice, but everyone knew he was lying.I just…I didn't know what to do, who to talk to, how to feel."She gets to her feet and paces away."And now I'm like…will I ever want to try that again?The thought of a guy touching me right now is—" she cuts off, shuddering."No.Just…no."
"That's normal, too.Meaning, it's a normal reaction—what happened to you isnotnormal.It's not okay.It's wrong, and Heath got off easy."
"You can't go after him again, Mom."
"Well, I can't promise I'll behave if I come face to face with the ratfuck punk-ass bitch."
Mallory's eyes fly wide and she splutters."Mom!"
I keep my face bland."Have you forgotten that I was a badass biker bitch?You know I got into fist fights a lot, right?In that world, when your man throws hands, so do you.I'll curb-stomp the little bitch-boy.”
“Okay, She-Ra."Mallory leans into me."You can put away Badass Mom, please.I don't need you to be my avenger.He showed up to school with a broken nose and two black eyes, and we were broken up.Doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together, y'know?He lost all social standing.And then, when you got him blacklisted?He has no friends.People hate him.Because even though no one knowsexactlywhat he did, they can all guess closely enough.They also know better than to fuck with me, because not only can I break noses, they know you'll come after them too."
"Guess you're a badass like your mama, too, huh?"
She grins."Guess so."The humor fades fast again."Like, will I ever want to have sex?Am I broken?"
I pull her close and hug her tight."No, honey.No, no, no.It'll take time and the right guy, but it'll happen.You just have to be patient with yourself and really take time to get to know him.There are almost always signs when a dude is like Heath, Mallory.Part of growing up female is learning to identify them early."I hug her again."How he treats people who aren't you.How he deals with rejection.How he approaches intimacy with you."
"So what do you look for, in a positive sense?Like, what are your green flags?"
I laugh."Oh, honey, I'm obviously not the right person to ask.Did you forget how this entire conversation started?"
"Well, you're what I've got, so I'm asking you.”She points toward the garage."Besides, you kissed Coach Austin and didn't rule out seeing him again, so there's got to be a green flag in there somewhere."
"Well, he's as unsure about the whole situation between us as I am, for one thing."
"How so?"
"He’s a widower, Mallory.He lost his wife of thirty years to leukemia three years ago.He hasn't been on a first date or any of that since he was only a few years older than you.Grief doesn't just stop.It doesn't just heal and get all better, especially grief like that.The whole town knew how much he and Taylor loved each other.So for him, I imagine starting something new is gonna be difficult."
"You guys kissed before going on a date," she points out, helpfully.
Not.
"It was…unexpected…for us both, I think."I feel squirmy inside discussing this with my daughter.Maybe it's just me, I don't know.
"But do you like him?"
"Yes, I like him.I wouldn't have kissed him otherwise."
"You kissed Charlie Cousins."
"And I liked him up until he got handsy."I clap my hand over my mouth."Forget I said that."
"Uh, no.Explain."
"I did.He got handsy.I thought we were kissing, he thought we were rounding the bases."
"I thought you said we were using our grown-up words and not being cute."
