"There may have been a little storming, yes," I allow.
"So?"
I sigh."It's nothing.Her daughter, Mallory, wants to play hockey, but she won't let her.The girl's damned good.It's a waste of God-given talent and passion not to let the girl play.She can skate and stickhandle circles around everyone but the Ryerson twins, and even against them, I wouldn't count her out."
He eyes me speculatively."And that's all it is, huh?"
"Yes, Noel, that's all it is."
He pulls a face."’Kay."
I blink at him over the rim as I sip.“Passive-aggressive doesn't look good on you, No-No."
“It’s nothing, Pops."
I set my mug down a little harder than I mean to, sloshing some over the rim."Noel, if you have something to say, say it."
"Just Morgan Wheeler is gorgeous and single, you ain't ugly, and you're single…there could be worse things than you two hanging out."
"It's not like that, son.We…we sometimes share the ice for morning skates and chat a bit.That's it.I don't know if we'd even be considered friends."I sigh."Especially after the non-incident-incident at practice the other day.She probably hates me now.Seems like she has a personal issue with hockey more than she does with her daughter specifically.But I'm just theorizing."
Noel grins."Hey, you gotta start somewhere, sometime, Pops."
I shrug, shake my head."No, I don't."
"So even though you're not even fifty-five, you're just gonna be a monk the rest of your life?"
My heart aches, and burns, and my brain tries to feed me the memory of the promise Taylor extracted from me; I resist it.
"Maybe,” I grumble.
"Dad—"
"Noel," I snap."Quit it.Please."
He shakes his head."I'm not saying you should get on Tinder and start trolling for hookups, Dad.I’m merely suggesting that you could do a hell of a lot worse than a friendship with Morgan Wheeler, even if it'sjusta friendship."
"I don't know how to do that."
"Do what?Be friends with a woman?"
I nod.“Yeah, pretty much.I haven't been alone with a woman who isn't your mother in thirty years, Noel."
"You and Morgan weren't alone in the arena for those morning skates?"
"Well, yeah, but—
He grabs my hand."Dad, listen to me.Part of me will never get over losing Mom.I know that's true for you, too.And I know I can't fathom how you must feel—I've never even been in love.But Idoknow that Mom would have wanted you to be happy.I know she wouldn't begrudge you finding companionship.It's been three years.You could maybe start letting yourself justthinkabout it, y'know?"
I frown at him."Never been in love?"
He shrugs, shakes his head.“Nah.Not really.I’ve had some relationships that were meaningful, sure, butin love?I dunno.I guess I've always held up you and Mom's kind of love as the standard, and I know I've never felt about anyone the way you and Mom felt about each other.If it's not that, I don't want it."
"It doesn't start out that way, though."
"No?"
I shake my head."Nope.Love isn't a feeling, son, it's a decision, and one you make multiple times a day, every day.Feelings change and fade and grow and get mixed up.You can't rely on emotions."I sigh, lean back, dragging my mug across the table toward me by a forefinger."Your mother and I…what we had initially was attraction.Raw, physical, intense desire for each other.It took time for us to see the emotional aspect as separate from the physical.And honestly, son, we almost didn't make it a few times, early on."
