“Nope."
I half-guide, half-lead her to a horseshoe-shaped booth.Her gold-sequined minidress hikes up around her ass…and true to form, she's commando under the skirt that barely clears the lower edge of her butt.
That's my girl.
She's a lush, she's spoiled, she's wild, but she's the most loyal friend you could ask for.She'd give me the dress she's wearing right now if I asked, and she'd prance naked across San Diego just for the hell of it.She's thrown herself into a fight against men four times her size on my behalf, and singlehandedly funded a lawsuit against a boss who sexually harassed me, wrongfully fired me for reporting it, andthentried to scare and intimidate me into dropping the suit; the proceeds of that lawsuit seeded my half of Demiza Event Planning.
When I was about to capitulate after the rather effective threats and intimidation tactics, it was Eliza who kept me going, refusing to let me cower to the power of a rich old white fuckbucket like Alan Thomas Niederland the Fourth, esquire.
Eliza would take on God for me, and she'd probably win.So yeah, when she decides to cut loose, I step in and take care of it without complaint.
Besides, Eliza at her worst is better than just about everyone else at their best.Just don't get on the wrong side of her, especially if she's had tequila.
"Ooh, mami's got the spins," Eliza mutters."Wheeee."
"Put one foot on the floor," I tell her.
She does, and throws an arm over her eyes."I love you, Demi."
"Love you too, Elz."
"I'm a little drunky-fish."
"Oh, I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be.This event is a smashing success."
"You should go mingle.Maybe you can snag a fella for some bow-chick-a-bow-bow."She says the last part monotone rather than as a verbal sound effect.
"Snag a fella?"
"Yeah.Y'know.Find a hot body with a big salami."
"Elz.I'm working.I'm not trolling for a hookup."
"I know you can multitask, Demi."
"Of course I can.It's not that."
"Then what?"
"I don't shit where I eat, Elz.This is a work event.Everyone here is a potential client.If I hook up with someone and then they want to hire me, it's awkward."
"But awkward is so much fun!"
"Said no one ever."
"I love awkward situations, though."
I cackle."Because you have no embarrassment threshold."
"And yours is, like, at the lowest bar possible.You get secondhand embarrassment so bad you've walked out of a movie theater because you can’t handle watching someone else embarrass themselves.”
"I was nowhere near high enough forPaul Blart: Mall Cop."
"Is anyone ever?"She groans."Whoooo, yeah, here comes the nausea.Gimme a bucket, willya?"
