"Great.Don't change the subject."
I turn to face her."Mal, we're not playing twenty questions on this one.Okay?"
She grins."Mom!"She rushes to me and slams into me with a full-body hug."You're happy!You're glowing!"
I sniff a laugh against her hair."Yeah, I guess so."
"So why'd he leave?"
"I…I wasn't sure I was ready for an overnight situation yet."
"I hope you weren't worried about me when making that decision," she says."I told you—I totally ship you and Noah.If he can put a smile likethat—" she flicks a pointer finger at my face, "then you should spendallthe time with him."
I didn't even realize I was smiling, if I'm honest."Mal, I…"
She gives me an annoyed look."What?Whatpossiblereason could you have for holding back from happiness?"
"It's a lot, and very fast."
"So?When you know, you know, right?"
I snort."Such sage advice from a 17-year-old virgin who's never been in love."
Mal's jaw drops open in shocked mock-outrage."MOTHER!How could you!Just because it's true doesn't mean you need to rub my face in it."
I dissolve into laughter and pull her into a hug."I'm teasing, my love.Just teasing."
She snuggles against me, squeezes hard."I know."She pulls back to look at me."But I'm not.If he makes you this happy, just jump in with both fucking feet, Mom.You've sacrificed your entire life for me.It's your turn.Behappy."
"Mal, it's not that simple."
She arches a wry eyebrow."Oh no?And why not?"
I don't have a good response for that—the reasons in my head all sound like excuses once I consider verbalizing them.The truth is that I'm still afraid Noah is too good to be true.”
Mallory yawns."You just gotta jump, Mom.Coach Austin is one of the very few good ones.And I've literally never seen you like this."She flicks that finger up and down at me again."But you're a grown woman.You know what you're doing."
Do I really, though?
She kisses my cheek, yawns again."I'm exhausted.I'm going to bed."She heads upstairs."Just so we understand each other though, Mom?"She pauses at the top and looks down at me."If Coach Austin was down there in the morning, I'd be pretty happy for you."
I have no answer and she knows it; a few minutes later I hear water in the pipes as she does her nighttime routine, and then silence spreads through the house.
I brush my teeth, change into a baggy XXL tee with Disney princesses on the front—and nothing else.Take off my makeup.Get into bed, lights off…
And totally fail at falling asleep.
Finally, I know that Mal is right.
This is dumb.
There's only one way I'll fall asleep at this point, and I know it.
Me: I can't sleep.
Same.
Come over.Sleep with me.Please?
