“What’s on your mind?”
As I eased onto the edge of the couch, I sighed. “What do you mean?”
“I could always tell when you needed to share something, but had no idea what to say.”
Laughing, I thought about how many times my mother had said something similar. She knew me too well. “Where’s Dad?”
“Playing poker with his buddies. Come on, I can tell something is bothering you.”
I’d thought a lot about what both my mother and father had said about the past. I’d never found a reason to put two and two together but now, it seemed important. “Jose told me you had afall on a horse when you were pregnant with me and the doctors were fearful you’d miscarry.”
She was surprised. “Very true. I was terrified.”
“Which was why you demanded Wade keep an eye on me.”
My mother shook her head. “He was not happy with me.”
“You do know I can now take care of myself. Right? Meaning I don’t need anyone to watch out for me.”
“You’ll always be my baby and you will always need someone to look out for you. I think you’ve found him.”
Her delight in my relationship with Axe forced me to blush.
“Where did you go to college, Mama?”
“In Washington State. Why?”
“You mentioned Daddy was the first love of your life.”
“He is the love of my life. Why are you asking?”
I don’t know why I suddenly felt uncomfortable asking Mom about her love life, but I was. “You also mentioned you cared about someone else during those years. Right?” I found myself looking down at the table, studying the coffee table books my mother had insisted on having. When she didn’t say anything right away, I slowly met her gaze.
“McKenzie. You’ve never been one to beat around the bush about anything. Don’t start now. Just ask what you need to ask me.”
“Fine. Did you think you were in love with Carter Beckett while you were in college?”
It was obvious by the look on her face she hadn’t expected my question. Uncurling her legs, she placed her feet on the floor, leaning over and covering her face with her hands.
“You did. So all this time, the ridiculous feud between the Beckett and Sterling families has been about a love triangle.”
Her silence nearly ate me alive. Very slowly she lifted her head, nodding. “As I already told you, your father was beside himself that I wouldn’t allow him to come see me after I left for school. That was mostly my father’s doing, but I had to admit, I was eager to branch out on my own. We still talked, at least for the first couple of months. Even when I came home for Christmas that year, we managed to see each other, but as I also told you, your father isn’t a patient man. He demanded that we resume our relationship. I was angry, refusing to be pushed so I told him I never wanted to see him again.”
I sat back, lifting my head toward the ceiling and half laughing. “Very similar to how I handled shoving Axe from my life.”
“You’re right. I hadn’t thought of that. I was serious that I didn’t want to see your father and he tried, but I ignored him. Then I had a class with Carter Beckett and we hit it off. I assure you it wasn’t love at first sight. Far from it. But we connected intellectually and we just had fun together. Eventually, I thought I fell in love. Maybe so did he.”
“Okay. So what happened?”
“Your father happened. He ignored my desires and dropped by to see me at school, finding Carter in my apartment. Things did not go well.” She shook her head, looking away. “As much as I adored Carter, I realized at that moment just how much in love with your father I truly was. It came down to being forcedto make a choice. When I did, Carter blamed your father for interfering. Your father thought Carter had used me. For a little while, it was a mess.”
“All this time he made Carter’s children suffer, Axe the most.”
“Because your father cared so much about you, the apple of that man’s eye.”
Just like what Jose had said. Sighing, I heard the grandfather’s clock ticking, the constant noise something I’d hated as a child. Now it was a strange, silly reminder that time moved on.
Or at least it should.
