When he did, he was very careful to avoid touching me. But I did catch out of the corner of my eye that he studied me briefly.
I kept my distance, also leaning over the railing. With the angle of the beautiful sun, the glow on the tips of the peaks of the mountains was incredible, breathtaking in a way that could only be described as majestic.
The coffee wasn’t that bad. Or maybe I just needed caffeine. He stared at his before taking a sip.
The tension between us was horrible, the emotional distance between us creating a tremendous void.
“I can’t ride again, Kenzie,” he said quietly almost five minutes later.
“I get it. The injury. Plus, you’d need practice. I’d never ask you to even consider.”
He laughed. “It’s not that. In truth, I wasn’t hurt that badly. I just used it as an excuse. At least for the most part.”
“What does that mean?” I was careful in glancing at him, worried that he’d be furious with me for interfering again.
The way he was fiddling with the coffee cup highlighted his extreme angst. “I lost my nerve that day. Yeah, I didn’t have my mind on the competition because of a lot of things, including my mother’s illness, but there was more to it than that. The shitstarted before we learned about her diagnosis. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t do it any longer. I had a bull almost trample me to death in practice, for fuck’s sake. But my coach pushed me. He said I needed to get right back up on that damn bull.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I had no idea.”
“You were gone. You had a life. I just… Both my brothers were already wildland firefighters. I was already talked about on the circuit like I was a has-been. It fucks with your head. I was twenty-five years old and there were kids as young as sixteen coming close to beating my ass. I was the old guy on the circuit.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, well, according to an article it was. Being a championship bull rider was all I’d ever wanted to do, but even my father was pushing me to think about another career at that point. It was just one big snowball at the time. I lost everything in a short period of time. I was a nobody.”
Turning toward him, I placed my hand on his arm, half expecting him to bristle. Thankfully, he didn’t. “You were always a somebody to me. That’s why I left.”
“You left because you had a scholarship.”
“That was one reason, but if you would have asked me to stay, I would have.”
“I didn’t want to ruin your life. Plus, Wade was my friend.”
“He still is.”
“Nah. He truly believes I stole Mandy from him.” He shook his head. “I never wanted Mandy.”
“I thought you dated her.”
“I said I went on two dates, although I assure you it was platonic.”
“Why?”
He took a swig of his coffee before finally looking me in the eye. “Because she was still with Wade in her mind. She didn’t know what she wanted although I knew what wasn’t good for her.”
“You never touched her.”
“No.”
“Because of my brother.”
“Yeah, that’s part of it. There is such a thing as honor amongst men. Wade was angry when he found out and because I hadn’t confessed first. He saw us together on the night I was planning on breaking it off.”
“At Ziggy’s.”
He half laughed. “News travels fast.”
“Char told me. You said there were two reasons.”
