The sound of the rushing water was terrifying, but there was nothing I could do if I wanted to live. After several deep breaths, I somehow managed to hang onto the edge while trying to get into the bed of the truck. Doing so would place me only feet away when I jumped for the road.
I swung my leg, calculating the distance. I almost had it. There was nothing else to do but to take a leap of faith.
So I did.
And missed.
As soon as I fell into the frigid water, I tumbled under and in those next few seconds, images of everything I’d once loved flashed in front of my eyes.
CHAPTER 3
Axe
Motherfucking storms.
Goddamn it. As soon as I rounded the bend, I realized I’d need to head back to the cabin. So much for getting additional supplies. The rain had come in fast, more so than the weather people had predicted. As usual, those who were supposed to be experts were wrong.
My thoughts drifted to my captain and the conversation we’d had earlier that morning before I’d rolled out of the parking lot at a high rate of speed, burning rubber in the process.
Throwing a tantrum wasn’t like me, at least it hadn’t been in the last few years.
Unfortunately, the terse discussion hadn’t been a typical conversation, but a demand made by a man I respected. Captain Daughtry was one of the good ones, a man who’d served as a smokejumper for Missoula for over twenty years. A legend in the community, now the leader of the pack.
“I’m sorry, son, but you are grounded.”
“What do you mean grounded? We’re short staffed, Cap’n.”
“Yeah, I know we are and I’m working on obtaining a few rookies, but you’re out of control and I can’t have that in the department refusing to follow rules.”
“That’s bullshit, Cap’n!” I leaned over his desk and he cocked his head, wearing an expression that I only witnessed when he was pissed. “Is this about Will?”
He appeared horrified that I’d asked if he was holding my brother’s death over my head. I fucking was.
“Jesus Christ, Stephen. That’s what I’m talking about, son, your fucking anger. It’s out of hand. Now, I get why. We all do. What happened affected all of us, every man and woman here. However, this is personal for you. Guilt is eating you alive. You need to take some time to heal.”
“That’s not what I need!” As soon as I exploded, he lifted an eyebrow. I looked away, scrubbing my jaw and doing what I could to control my anger. “Really, Captain. I’m okay. I’m just not sleeping well.”
“Understandable,” Captain Daughtry said, but with his commanding voice. “My decision is final. You’re taking a few days off.”
“I don’t need or want a few days off. I need to work.”
“Don’t argue about this,” Captain Daughtry said as he stood. “You’re going to do as I ask.”
“Fine. I’ll put in a request.”
He glared at me.
“What? You want me to leave now?” I was furious, more so than I’d been in a long time. This was crazy. I didn’t need fucking time off.
When I opened my mouth, he took a deep breath. “Yes, you’re going to leave today and if you don’t follow my orders, I’m going to require you to talk with a counselor and he or she will have to sign off on you coming back to the team. Which I’m certain won’t be for weeks.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I sounded like a sniveling child.
“I don’t know, son. Find a hobby. Volunteer at a rescue organization. Find yourself.”
A rescue organization, my ass. Yeah, I adored animals like the next guy, but how the hell would that help me?
Goddamn it.
