“I like her,” I said, my voice flat. “We’re seeing what happens. It’s not a big deal.” The words were a practiced litany of deflection, words I’d been telling myself for weeks. They sounded hollow, even to me.
“Not a big deal?” Braden pushed off the kegs. “Austin, you haven’t brought a woman around us, around the family, in… ever. You don’t do ‘seeing what happens.’ You do ‘keep your distance.’ You do ‘don’t get involved.’ So don’t treat us like we’re idiots.”
“We’re happy for you, man,” Eli added, his voice softer but no less pointed. “Really. But don’t try to bullshit us that this isn’t a big deal for you.”
“Jesus, if I knew I was going to get the finger screws, I would have stayed away.”
“Austin, we couldn’t help but notice,” Eli added. “The blonde hair. The blue eyes. That sweet but stubborn way she has about her…”
Every muscle in my body went rigid. I knew where this was going. An icy dread, heavy and familiar, seeped into the room, chilling the air. I could almost smell the ozone of a coming storm.
“He’s right.” Braden stepped closer. He lowered his voice, making the words, when they came, hit even harder. “Iris is great, Austin. But she’s so much like… like her. We have to ask, man. Are you trying to create another Caitlin here?”
The name hit me like a fist to the gut. Knocked the air from my lungs and left me cold, the walls of the small room suddenly closing in.
Caitlin.
A name I hadn’t heard spoken aloud in this family for thirteen years.
Freezing, white-hot anger surged through me, a desperate, defensive fury. “What the hell did you just say?”
“Austin…” Eli raised a palm, his expression full of caution.
“Don’t say her name,” I warned, my voice tight, my hands clenched into fists. “This has nothing to do with her. Nothing to do with them. Do you understand me?”
The thought was ludicrous. Insulting.
I had never, not for one single second, compared the two women. Iris, with her chaotic energy, her growing competence, her ridiculous G-rated curses, and her mostly irresistible baking… she was nothing like Caitlin. She was her own unique, infuriating, wonderful person. The idea that my brothers could think I was just… what? Trying to fix the past? It was obscene.
But I saw it in their eyes. The quiet pity. The concern. The fact that they weren’t convinced. And that pissed me off more than anything. I pressed my trembling hands against my hips.
“This is about me and Iris.” My voice came out in a low growl. “That’s it. It’s not about… before. It’s not about anyone else. I’m not some damn charity case you all need to manage.” I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to get my emotions under control. “We’re done here. Drop it. Now.”
I didn’t wait for them to respond. I turned, yanked the door open, and strode back out into the noise and light of the brewpub. The ghosts of the past swirled around me. I walked back to the bar, my whole body tight with a cold, protective anger as my brothers followed. The easy, cheerful atmosphere of the brewpub sounded abrasive. I could feel Eli and Braden’s gazes on my back, but I refused to turn around.
Iris glanced up as I approached, her smile warm, then questioning. The light in her eyes dimmed slightly, her smile faltering as she took in my stony expression. “Is everything okay?”
The honest answer was no. Nothing was okay.
My brothers had just ripped open a thirteen-year-old wound and poured salt all over it. The old, familiar instinct screamed at me.
Push her away before it gets too deep, before the risk becomes too great. Before you have something you can’t bear to lose again.
But then I looked at her.
At the genuine concern in her eyes, the way her brow was furrowed with worry. For me. And something inside me stronger than the fear, something more stubborn than the pain, made a choice.
I would not let the specters of my past poison this. I would not let my brothers’ well-meaning but misguided fears dictate my future. I forced the tension from my shoulders and deliberately unclenched my jaw. I manufactured asmile. It probably looked pathetic, but it was the best I could do.
“Yeah.” My voice was a little rough. I cleared my throat and tried again, my smile feeling steadier. “Everything’s fine. Braden was just showing me his new collection of artisanal bottle caps.”
She knew I was lying. I could see it in the way her eyes searched mine. But she didn’t push. She just gave an accepting nod.
“Ready to get out of here?” I placed my hand between her shoulder blades to ground myself in her presence, pleased my tone was gentler now. “The sun’s starting to set, and the water should be like glass.”
“Absolutely,” she said, her smile returning.
We said our goodbyes, a chorus of “Nice to meet you, Iris!” and “See you later!” following us out the door. I could feel my brothers’ eyes on us the entire time. I didn’t care.
