I wrapped my hands around the warm mug, letting the heat seep into my chilled fingers. After taking a deep breath, the words tumbled out, fueled by lack of sleep and pent-up anxiety. “Finn. He, uh… he asked me something.”
She waited patiently, her gaze steady and encouraging.
“Brenna, he asked if Chase was going to be his dad.”
The words hung in the quiet office, feeling even more leaden now than they had last night. I stared at my sister, my vision blurring. “Finn wants it. He sees Chase as… permanent. And it terrified me.”
“Oh, wow.” Brenna reached out, her hand covering mine where it rested on the arm of the chair. Her touch was firm, grounding. “Honey, of course it terrified you. That’s a huge question from a six-year-old.”
“But it’s not just the question,” I insisted, needing herto understand the layers of fear Finn’s innocent words had unearthed. “It’s… it’s Chase. Remember I told you how he canceled our plans last week? How he came over the next day and admitted he was feeling overwhelmed? How he hesitated before he said he wanted to stay together?”
Brenna nodded slowly, her brow furrowed in concentration.
“That hesitation…” The memory made my stomach clench again. “I tried to ignore it. He’s been great since then, really present, reliable. But when Finn asked that… all I could think was, what if Chase wasn’t just reassuring me? What if he really is overwhelmed and scared? What if Finn builds all these hopes, lets Chase become this central figure in his life, and then Chase realizes it is too much and walks away? I can’t put Finn through that, Brenna. I just can’t.” The last words were choked, thick with the fear I’d carried since Jarod left.
“And,” I added, dropping my gaze back to my mug, the next admission feeling even more dangerous, “it’s not just Finn I’m worried about. I’m… I’m in love with him. And that makes the thought of him leaving unbearable.”
Brenna was silent for a long moment, letting my words settle in the small space. She took a slow sip of her coffee, her expression thoughtful. I braced myself for platitudes, for reassurances that everything would be fine.
“Okay.” She set her mug down. “First off, your fear is completely valid. Given your history with Jarod, and knowing Chase admitted to feeling overwhelmed, and then having Finn drop that specific question? Anyone would be reeling. You are absolutely right to be scared.”
Her validation unlocked a pressure valve. Tears pricked my eyes. “So I’m not making too much of all this?”
“Not even remotely.” Brenna offered a small, sad smile. “You’re a mother protecting her child and a womanprotecting her own heart after it was shattered. That’s not overreacting, Harper. That’s survival.”
She leaned forward, her gaze intent. “But fear can be a tricky thing. It kept you safe for a long time after Jarod. It made you cautious, independent, strong. But now it might be blinding you a little.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Think about Chase. Think abouthisperspective. You said he admitted feeling overwhelmed, that he hesitated. Why do you automatically assume that hesitation means he’s going to leave?”
“Because…” I started, then faltered. “Because that’s what happens? Because it gets hard, and people bail?”
“Jarod bailed,” Brenna corrected softly but firmly. “That doesn’t mean Chase will. Harper, you told me yourself that Chase has fears too. Fears about commitment, fears about failing with his new business, failing our renovation project, failingyou. When you asked him if he needed to step back, you probably hithisdeepest insecurity square on. Maybe that hesitation wasn’t him thinking ‘Yes, I need an out.’ Maybe it was him thinking, ‘Shit, she sees right through me, she knows I’m terrified I’ll screw this up.’”
I stared at her, absorbing the alternative interpretation. Chase, scared? It seemed counterintuitive. He was always so confident, so capable.
“His fear doesn’t cancel out his feelings for you, Harper,” Brenna continued, her voice earnest. “Sometimes, the more someone cares, themoreterrified they are of messing it up. He didn’t want to break up, did he? He hesitated, felt the fear, and then recommitted. Doesn’t that count for something?”
My mind raced, replaying that conversation in my office. His exhaustion, his raw honesty about the pressure,the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, followed by the firm denial. The passion. Had I misinterpreted his fear as doubt? Had I projected my own history onto his momentary struggle?
“He’s beenshowingyou he’s trying, hasn’t he?” Brenna pressed gently.
I nodded slowly, thinking of the past week. The easy companionship, the shared laughter, the way he looked at Finn with such genuine warmth. Hehadbeen trying.
“So maybe,” Brenna suggested, her voice kind but firm, “instead of focusing on the possibility of him leaving, you need to focus on the reality of him staying, even when he’s scared. Maybe this isn’t about waiting for him to prove he won’t leave. Maybe it’s about you both learning how to navigate your fearstogether.”
The idea washed over me, both frightening and strangely liberating. Talking about the fear itself, not just dancing around it. Acknowledginghispotential vulnerability alongside my own.
“You need to hash this out with him, Harper,” Brenna said. “Not just about Finn getting attached, but also talk about Chase’s hesitation. Ask him what he was afraid of in that moment. Share your fear triggered by Finn’s words. Put it all out there.”
“That sounds…” I swallowed hard. “Utterly terrifying.”
“Probably.” Brenna smiled wryly. “Building real trust usually is. Believe me, I know. But look at the alternative. You keep holding your breath, analyzing every glance, every pause, driving yourself up the wall and probably pushing him away with suspicion he hasn’t earned. Don’t let Jarod’s ghost and Chase’s fear have that much power over something that feels this real.”
She reached across and squeezed my hand again. “Youfound the courage to face down Mom about the renovations, to face down our brothers about being with Chase. Find the courage to face Chase himself. With all of it. See what happens when you both stop protecting yourselves and start protecting each other.”
I looked down at our joined hands, then met Brenna’s steady gaze. She was right. It felt like standing on the edge of that cliff again, the wind whipping around me, the potential for a devastating fall immense. But maybe the potential for flight was worth the risk.
I took another shaky breath, the scent of old books and possibility filling my lungs. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
As I left the quiet sanctuary of the bookstore and stepped back out onto the sun-drenched, noisy reality of Main Street, the conversation ahead with Chase loomed large and frightening. But for the first time, I wondered if maybe I wasn’t the only one bringing fear to the table. And if sharing those fears might be the only way for us to move past them.
