“Smart kid.”
After dinner, we relaxed and I had to smile at the hidden lighting under the deck. The ocean air made everything softer, more like a dream than anything else. I tucked my legs under me, resting my head against the back of the couch. The deeper part of this—the reason I couldn’t stop thinking about—made its way to the surface. “Chase?”
“Mmhmm?”
“This isn’t the kind of place I thought I’d end up.”
He paused. I could feel him weighing his words. “The deck or the grilled cheese?”
“Neither.” I sighed, surprised by how easy it was to talk to him, to admit the truth that I’d barely let myself consider. “After Finn, I wasn’t sure I wanted this. A family. Stability. Jarod—” I stopped. I hadn’t meant to go there, to say more than I’d already said. “I didn’t think about the future the way you do. I plan all facets of the resort and my homelife with future projections all mapped out, except when my heart is involved.”
Chase’s arm stretched behind me, pulling me closer. “Because of Jarod?”
“I thought we were happy.” I shifted against Chase, not moving away, but finding a comfortable spot, finding the words that fit with what I hadn’t said yet. “He was the kind of guy I thought I’d always be with. On paper, we made sense. Got along great, similar interests.”
Chase traced a slow line down my arm with his thumb, waiting. He didn’t rush me. Didn’t push for answers.
“I told him I was pregnant.” The words felt both far away and all too real, like they’d been locked up so long they didn’t belong to me. “And all the color drained from his face.”
Chase exhaled, a low sound that said more than words.
“I knew we weren’t madly in love.” I wondered how much I’d tell before I couldn’t keep my own emotions in check. “But I thought there was enough. More than enough. I thought he cared about me, even if he wasn’t crazy about the idea of a kid. I thought he’d come around to the idea of being a father. Instead, he split. And now I don’t know how to trust anyone.”
Chase shifted beside me, pulling me in tighter.
“Not just Jarod.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know how to trust myself. I’m scared I’ll never find a relationship where I get both—a partner and a father for Finn. I don’t want to drag anyone into a life they don’t really want.”
Chase paused, and I was terrified I’d said too much. “That sucks.”
“It sucks?”
“Yeah. He was a coward and a total shithead.”
I waited. “You don’t think it’s stupid of me?”
“Of course not.” Chase’s voice was low and sure. “You’re the one who got hurt.”
“But—”
He cut me off. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Why?”
“Because,” he said, holding me close, “I know how it feels.”
“To get pregnant?” I snuggled against his side, my voice teasing, not wanting him to hear the wobble in it. “Impressive.”
He laughed, a quiet sound that hummed through me. “No, to see something you thought was normal, then discover it wasn’t at all like you thought.”
I took a deep breath. “What do you mean?”
“My parents,” he said. “They are all I’ve ever seen. Careful tiptoeing and silence. No heat, no passion. Just… there. When I got a little older and saw that other parents weren’t like that, it kind of shook the foundation under me.”
“And you’re worried you’ll be like that?”
“It’s not how I want to end up.”
“How do you want to end up?”
