Chapter Twenty-One
ELI
I tooka long drink of Coke as I sat in a corner booth at Tidal Hops, hoping the crisp, sweet taste would snap me out of my funk. No such luck. The flavor sat flat on my tongue, a pale echo of its usual bite. I’d woken up this morning with Jules in my arms. She’d been warm and soft, her hair a mess as it tickled my nose.
And for a moment, everything felt… perfect.
Until my calm was supplanted by a gut-clenching worry that sent me scrambling from her townhouse in a flurry of excuses about forgetting I had an early BCD repair at the dive shop. Lately, I felt like my only two emotions where she was concerned were bliss and panic.
Harper slid in across the booth from me, curiosity written on her face. This meeting with her and Mom had already been on my calendar, so I asked Harper to come early. I needed a sounding board.
My sister looked me over closely as she wrapped a hand around her full glass. “Okay. Here I am. What’s up?”
I eased out a long sigh. How could I explain the tangle of emotions I couldn’t even sort out myself? My fingers traced condensation trails on the glass, leaving wet tracks like nervous footprints. “Well, for starters… The panic attack I damn near had this morning.”
Harper’s eyebrows flew up. “Laid-back Eli in a state of panic?” Her teasing tone faded as she studied my face, her eyes narrowing with concern. “What happened?”
I hesitated, unsure how the hell to explain it all. Chase knew about Jules and me, but Harper had always had a rare blend of common sense and good advice. And I needed that right now. As an added bonus, she was immune to my bullshit.
“Eli, you can tell me.”
My heart thumped in my chest as I weighed my options. Finally, I let out an uneven breath and looked at her squarely. “It’s Jules. Julianne.”
Her surprise was genuine and immediate. “Julianne? What about her?” She left the question hanging in the air between us.
“Yeah.” Heat flashed across my face as I nodded. “I haven’t called her by her full name for a while now. We’re together.”
“What do you mean by together?”
I shot her a deadpan look. “You know what I mean, Harper. Together as in the biblical sense.”
There was silence for a beat before her gaze sharpened on me. “You and Julianne are seeing each other? Wow, talk about opposites attracting. How long has this been going on?”
With the news out, the tension in my chest eased a little. “Well over a month now. Hell, closer to two. It began with, I don’t know, a truce or something when we started her scuba class. It’s not even… It’s nothing. It happened.”
“Over a month together is more than nothing, big brother. And now you’re spiraling like a champ, huh?”
I shot her a warning look. “Don’t dramatize it. It’s just…” I hesitated, then groaned, defeated. “I’m freaking out, okay? I can’t do this, Harper. I’m not built for it.”
She threw out an arm in a half-shrug. “For what? Relationships? Being human? Eli, you’re so good at being everything else—charming, carefree, the life of the party. But why are you so terrible at being honest about what you actually feel?”
“Because it’s safer that way!” I hissed, then winced. “And this is becoming too real, Harper. Jules isn’t some tourist who’ll be gone in a week. She’s here. Every day. Watching me. And she sees things. Too many things.”
The deep line between her brows grew even deeper. “Like what?”
I glanced around to make sure we weren’t being overheard. The hum of conversation filled the air, and Braden was too distracted with the afternoon rush to notice us. “She notices when I’m worried, when I pull back. Or avoid the subject. And still… she’s there. Patiently waiting, like she thinks I’ll come around.”
“And what makes you think you won’t?”
“Because I’m a disaster! Look at our family. Mom’s stuck in the past, Austin’s got walls bigger than a medieval city, Ben’s so stuck in who he used to be that he can’t become who he wants to be. Don’t even get me started on Dad. Yet here I am, following right in his footsteps—superficial, incapable of sticking when it truly matters.”
“Eli, stop.” Her tone was firm but gentle. “You’re not Dad. You’re not even close. You’re so afraid of failing that you’ve convinced yourself you’re not worth the risk. But what if you’re wrong? What if you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to someone? To her?”
The idea hit me like a gut punch, and for a second, I couldn’t breathe. What if she was right? What if Jules was willing to take a chance on me, even with all my broken, terrified parts? I shook off that ridiculous thought. “That’s as unlikely as snow tomorrow.”
Harper leaned forward, her voice lowering. “Eli, I love you, but you’re full of crap. You’ve been having a great time with Julianne. Now that it’s getting more serious, cue the freak-out. Classic Eli avoidance tactic.”
“I’m not avoiding anything,” I protested, my defenses rising. “That’s my whole point, Harper! This is who I am. Mr. Duct Tape and Beer, remember? I don’t do serious.”
