Everything clicks, and I know.
I know.
I wish I could rewind the last thirty seconds andunknowit.
Becauseoh my god, am I screwed.
So, so screwed.
Bowen is chuckling and tosses a chip at Brett. “You don’t even like her, dude, you just like that she called you cute.”
Brett crunches on a chip, waggling his brows. “Not true, man. She’s got nice hair.”
“Nice hair?” Bowen teases, “Kit’s got nice hair, too.Wanna date him?”
Brett tilts his head, like he’s actually considering. My heart skyrockets into my throat, lodges itself there, and refuses to move for the chip I try to swallow. It’s beating so hard, I feel lightheaded.
I sit up, forcing myself to swallow.
“You are pretty, Kat-boy. Probably prettier than Sarah is, actually,” Brett shoves more chips in his mouth before talking. “But I don’t think I’m into guys like that. Are you?”
I have no freaking clue who the question is directed at, but he may as well have put a microphone under my mouth and asked, “Kit, are you gay?” in front of a stadium full of people with how my insides shrivel up.
I’m sweating.
The conversation started sucking somewhere around the time that Bowen said he had a hot chick in his English class this year. Then it kept on sucking a little harder by the second as they kept talking about girls.
It felt like someone reached down inside of me and started strangling my lungs when Bowen said he wanted to ask out that hot girl.
My mind was screaming,“What? No!”
And then I was freaking out about that.
ThenBowen nudged my foot with his, where he’s sprawled out next to me on the floor of my room. He talked about this girl while he absently knocked his foot on mine and fed me chips, totally oblivious to the downward spiral I was in.
And when he came in with another chip, leaning slightly over me, I made the poor choice of looking up at him. He was smirking, listening to his brother but looking down at me. Wild black curls and pale blue eyes. He rubbed his thumb over the corner of my mouth, and I wanted to die. Because I knew.
I think I’ve known for a while, but my heart and my head have been chasing each other around in circles, and it took a while to catch up. My whole body goes hot and then ice cold. I want to crawl out of my skin.
I like him.
Bowen.
I like Bowen.
And I’mscrewed.
He’s one of my best friends. He’s Brett’s twin. He’sBoe. The boy who is always watching out for me. Taking care of me. He still sleeps next to me sometimes, still checks on me when I’m too quiet. He knows every embarrassing thing about me.
Dear God.
None of it meant anything more than Bowen being Bowen before. But now?
Now it’s all crash-piling right on top of me, and it’s too much.
I force a laugh.
Try to breathe.
