“Stop calling me that,” I breathe.
“Look at me,” he breathes right back, raspy and raw.
I want to close my eyes. Shut out everything that’s got to be glaringly obvious if he looks for even a second. But I can’t stop watching the way his chest is rising and falling with short, irritated breaths. I ignore him and instead step out of the bathroom and walk into the open living space. I see all the differences, but I see all the things that are still the same.
The walls feel like they’re listening. Holding their breath while Bowen walks up behind me. He’s not close, but close enough for my body to feel him near. “I didn’t expect it to go this way.” A truth. One I can give. “I imagined it would be easier.”
A beat. Then, “Nothing with you is ever easy, is it?”
Ouch.
“I probably deserve that,” I nod, taking a shaky inhale. “But I wanted it to be. I wanted enough time to pass that I was a more secure version of me. That maybe you wouldn’t still hate me. That we could…be friends. Or friendly, I guess.”
I miss you.
“So, you wanted to come back home but not see me, is that right?”
“Well, no, but…”
The door to the cabin swings open, and Ian comes in with a cheeky grin. “Gotta pee. Sorry.” He looks from me to Bowen who is standing somewhere behind me. “Man, the air in here is weird. You guys good?”
“Yes,” I say at the same time Bowen says, “No.”
“Ooookay, then,” Ian laughs. When the door to the bathroom closes, I turn.
The floor is still the same natural wood it's always been, but there is a tan shaggy area rug under the coffee table now. I dig my toes in it, grounding myself. Every heartbeat feels like it’s being pulled on a string.
“Sleep on the couch, Meyer. Don’t be stupid.” And with that, Bowen walks out on the porch, letting the door slam behind him.
I sink down onto the couch for no other reason than walking by him out there now doesn’t feel like an option I’m willing to take. So, I put my face in my hands and justbreatheuntil I hear the bathroom door open, and Ian comes back out.
Luckily, there must be something on my face that lets him know I don’t want to talk because he just smiles and waves and leaves much quieter than Bowen did a few moments ago.
It takes me a few minutes to calm down, but when I do, I pull my phone out of my bag and scroll to the right contact. It’s getting sorta late, but I press call anyway.
It rings three times before it connects.
“Kit?” Dad says, sounding surprised.
“Hey, old man.” I go for easy going, not seconds from spiraling.
“Hey you back. Is everything okay?”
I loathe that he probably thinks I need money. Or that he’s not very far off from that.
“Yeah, um, its Fio…the van. Funny story, I’m actually at the cabin. Long story short, Bowen said he thinks maybe some mice chewed through wires or something. It won’t start.”
Silence.
“Dad?”
“Yeah. At the cabin, huh? Getting close to home.”
My throat is thick, and I nod, even though he can't see it. “Yeah, Dad. That was the end goal. Now I’m kinda stuck.”
There’s a rustling on the other end, like maybe he’s getting up from the couch, I can hear a TV in the background. “Your mom and I are in Florida. We planned on staying the week. If you need me to—”
“Oh God, no, Dad. I didn’t know.” Of course I didn’t. How would I? That would require actually calling them.
