Ben: Ihad fun last night. We should definitely hang again some time…soon?
I would rather stick my tongue in a beehive.
His message is followed up with a picture of him and Mr. Floppy Sock, his ferret. It’s the white ferret. His first one that made him fall in love with the smelly, noodle cats. His words.
I’m being melodramatic. There was nothingwrongwith Ben. He was perfectly nice. He held the door open for me when we got to the movies. He had an easy laugh and asked me questions about myself. He’s animated when he talks about his love for Mr. Floppy Sock and Mr. Squiggly Worm.Yep.He’s shy when he tries to flirt. He’s a little taller than my five-foot-seven, and all lanky limbs. But he’s cute andnice.Nice andgay. He’s seeking me out. Obviously interested.
Me: Sure!
I roll my eyes at myself and put my phone down on the porch next to me. We’re well into summer, and I’m being a brat. We would normally be in the lake by now. Brett splashing Bowen repeatedly until Bowen picked him up and tossed him into the water, Brett howling with glee the whole time.
Apparently, getting older does indeed suck real bad. Not a good suck, either. My mom being a teacher and my dad being able to work from his computer always made it easy for us to be able to spend summers away. Sheila would take a couple weeks off to spend with us but then leave the boys during the week and meet us back on the weekends. It was perfect.
Now we are fresh high school grads. We have jobs. I work atCrazy Beans Cafe,making all the fancy, complicated drinks people love to order. That’s where I met Ben.
Brett works as a lifeguard at the rec center’s pool. Bowen is in full training mode for his upcoming football season with his fancy scholarship. Not thathetold me that. He doesn’t tell me much of anything anymore. If he’s not training or at the gym, he’s with Delaney. Or Tucker. If he’s not with one of them or training, I couldn’t tell you what he’s doing, but it's certainly not spending time with me.
Brett has his own life, too. With Amy. She’s petite and feisty, really gives Brett competition to see who can be the most obnoxious. I love them as a couple. Brett’s light seemed to dim a little there for a while, but when Amy is around, it's as bright and glaring as the summer sun.
Lovethat for him. Love it so much I want to walk directly into traffic when they’re around.
Again, I’m being abrat.I’m well aware. We’ll blame it on growing pains, okay? Because this shit is dumb. I’d sell both kidneys if I could be transported back to the summer we were like…twelve. I’d tie myself to Bowen the whole summer if it meant I could live in that bubble of happiness all over again. Before life got messy.BeforeI became a selfish brat who thought it was perfectly normal to be a baby about unrequited feelings.
The rumble of Bowen’s motorcycle cuts through the lazy afternoon buzz, and I hate how quickly I look up. I’d be able to pick his bike out with my eyes closed. It’s a bit louder than the others on the street. A bit cockier. Like its rider.
One would think after years of exposure, it would be easier to see them together, but it’s not. It aches just as bad today, seeing Delaney touching him. Which she very much is doing, nestled behind him on his bike, arms wrapped around his waist in a claim she’s allowed to make. My chest twists andtwists.Not just from seeing them together but because Bowen doesn’t wave. Doesn’t give even a head nod. Nothing.
I know he saw me. Iknowhe did.
But that’s where we’re at, folks. Nothing.
Where we once gravitated together like moths to a flame, we’ve completely fallen out of orbit. Somehow, he’s standing just fine while I’m flounderingbad.
His motorcycle is still echoing down the street when Brett’s beat-up Jeep pulls into my driveway instead of his own. At least Brett sees me.
“You should have mooned him,” Brett says, plopping down next to me with a sigh. He’s sunburned and reeks of chlorine and sunscreen. “Real power move.”
I snort. “Maybe next time.”
“Gotta make him regret leaving us for someone who wears fake tan and strawberry lip-gloss.”
“What's wrong with strawberry lip gloss and fake tan?”
“Dude. Whose side are you on right now?”
I roll my eyes, but it's easier to breathe with him sitting beside me. Brett is my only tether to earth now. Without him, I would be thoroughly lost in space.
“So,” he says, nudging my shoulder. I look over in time to see his eyebrows wiggle. “How was the date with Ben? Did he bring his ferrets with him? I bet he did. Leashes and sweaters, right? He made you get your own popcorn because he had to share with his Floppy Noodle Dick and Smelly Cat Worm.”
“God, why do I tell you anything?” I can’t help but laugh, and his face goes soft.
“Fuck, Kat-boy, I missed that sound.” He roves his blue eyes over my face and then looks away. “It hasn’t been the same, huh?”
There’s really no sense in denying it. Nothing has been the same, not for a long time. Our demise was cemented the moment I looked at Bowen, and my heart decided he was it for me.
I just shrug.
“Don’t do that, dude. Not with me.” Brett scrubs his hands over his face and sighs again. “He’s being a dick, and I fucking hate him for it.”
