We lay like that for a while. I let myself breathe in his presence. Let the tremble in my body settle. Brett is always good at making things feel safe, even when the world's flipped upside-down.
“They all love you, you know,” he adds. “Tuck, my mom, your parents. Bowen. Me.”
I don’t respond right away. If feels like too much. Eventually, I turn to face him and find his eyes open and on me, waiting.
“It's not okay,” I say, voice cracking. “Because it’s not just being gay. It’s…it’sBowen.”
Brett doesn’t flinch. He just smiles, softly.
“I know."
That shouldn’t stun me, but it does. Brett always seems to know everything, but this was a secret I thought I hid well.
He brushes my damp bangs back from my forehead. A move that normally belongs to Bowen.
“And it’s still okay. You’ll see, Kat-boy.”
He pulls me in closer; chin tucked on top of my head. I close my eyes and pretend for just a minute that I believe him.
Kit
Age 15
“Just saying, maybe today isn’t the best day,” Brett murmurs. “You know, man, with what happened yesterday…”
“She’s just coming for the day,” Bowen sighs. “Mom said it was fine. Kit’s parents said it was fine. You’re the only one being weird about it.”
I don’t move. I lie perfectly still under my covers, blinking the sleep from my eyes at the wall. Even though they’re using low, careful voices, I still woke up. I don’t even know what they’re talking about, but I already know I agree with whatever Brett is saying.
Because what do they meanshe?
The bunk above me creaks as Brett shifts to climb down the ladder.
“I’m not being weird. I just thought maybe we should, you know, talk to Kit about yesterday?”
“Right,” Bowen says, audibly annoyed now. I frown, ears straining. Is he annoyed with Brett or withme? “If Kit wanted to talk to me, he wouldn’t have run away when I tried talking to him yesterday.”
Brett makes a noise of frustration before the door outside opens, and I don’t have to turn to know it was Bowen walking out first. He sounded closed off, like he gets when he’s decided on something, and that’s that.
I let my shaky breath go.
I already know that I don’t want to do today.
The lake sparkles under the summer sun, and my stomach is twisted in knots I can’t seem to untangle all morning. I’ve been dragging my feet in the main cabin, helping Sheila cut up fruit, dodging Tucker’s half-hearted attempt at tossing ice cubes down the back of my shirt, and ignoring his pestering jokes. He’s older brother-ingextrahard today. Probably trying to show me that he doesn’t care that I’m gay, which is honestly kind of sweet. I would appreciate it a lot more if my stomach wasn’t cramped with nerves.
Brett has been glowering on the porch for a while now, and Bowen won’t sit still. It’s like they’ve switched places. Body swapped in the night.
Normally, it’s Brett who is aimlessly moving and picking at things and biting his nails, and Bowen who is sitting and observing with a semi-frown.
Not today.
They both seem to have eyes for the driveway, though.
She.
Asheis coming.
I’m not prepared for the way my stomach drops down to my toes when I hear the crunching of gravel a little while later and see a car I don’t recognize pull up. A tall, curvy girl with honey-blonde hair steps out. I’ve seen her before, at school. I’ve seen her hovering around Bowen. Laughing at his every word, tossing her hair too much, leaning too close.
