Come with me, kitten. I love you. Please don't make me go back there alone.
“So.” He scratches the side of his head, then crosses his arms, not looking at me. Gone is the guy who was giggling over the kiss in The Notebook, or the one that curled into me during the end ofIT.
I sigh and climb to my feet. Once again, there is space between us, and I don't know how to close it.
I love you. I love you so fucking much, I'm sick without you.
“So,” I say, hating the word. Hating this moment.
I want to beg him on my knees to come home with me. But that wouldn't be fair to him. He was just talking about jobs this morning. What he wants to do, figuring it all out.
His parents haven't seen him. His brother. He deserves time with his family. Time to reclaim the life he put on pause to heal. He deserves stability and his family.
But fuck, I'm already wrecked just thinking about more mornings waking up without him with me. Days wondering what he's doing. Nights aching for his skin on mine.
I don't want him to feel like he has to choose me. I want him to choose what he wants. What he needs.
So tell him you fucking love him!
“So, we…what?” he asks, a pained laugh falling flat between us.
“You can text me. Call me. Come visit when you can. If you want.”Pack your shit. Get in my truck and come home with me, baby. Please.
He squints at me, like it's painful to look. “Come visit. If I want?”
You're fucking this up, Briggs.
“I'll be there.”
Kit nods several times, gathering our dirty dishes and garbage. I turn off the TV and fold up the blanket. By the time I set it on the pile, Kit is already gone from the room.
I find him in the kitchen wrapped in a hug with Mom. “Don't be a stranger, you hear me? I let you have your time, but I'll hunt you down if you disappear again.”
Kit's crying again, but there is a small smile on his face. Just for her. Definitely not for me because it slips when I walk up behind her.
“I'll be back, I promise,” he says to her. Then he's stepping back, looking away, and wiping his wet cheeks.
“Ma,” I say, placing my hand on her shoulder.
“You're leaving too, huh?” She's got shiny eyes, but they're so full of love and hope, I can't see the pain anymore.
“Yep. Long drive home, and I've gotta be up early.” I wrap her in a hug, kiss the top of her head. My heart drops down to my feet when the back door clicks shut behind us.
“That boy loves you something fierce, Bowen.”
I don't respond, just squeeze her again before grabbing my keys and heading out.
He's leaning against my truck with his arms folded across his body. Defensive. Protected. From me.
Say you love him, you goddamn coward.
“I…” I start, then choke up when his tired, pain filled eyes look up at me.
Sunset has washed the sky with hazy orange. Pretty soon, it will be gone all together. Pretty soon, I'll be back home, trying to sleep in sheets that I left smelling like him from the other night.
What I want more than him in my bed and in my home and filling my life with life again, is him happy. I want him to find a passion. I want him to make friends who don't know who he was before his soul tasted loss. I want him to share because he wants to. I want him to find new reasons to smile. Reasons to push through another day.
I want him to visit the lake when he wants to feel close to Brett, or when he needs reminding that there will always be someone there waiting for him. If he needs me. If he wants me.
