The truth hits me right before I break the surface.
The water that's held me countless times takes the tears from my skin. Unburdens me from feeling their weight. Mutes the scream that tears from deep inside my gut where my sorrow and fear live.
It exacerbates the pounding in my head and chest until I'm sure the whole lake is pulsing with it. The truth is guilt.
Guilt for a fight caused by me. Guilt for being responsible for Brett getting in his Jeep that night. Guilt for not being strong enough. How could Bowen want me? How could he look at me? How long will it take for him to realize it's my fault? How would I survive having him, and losing him? Again.
How could I have what I want when Brett can't?
Brick after brick turns to dust in the water.
I thought I was safe at the lake. To get away. To hide.
He's at the end of the dock when I come up for air. He looks just as wild as I feel. He toes off his boots at the same time he whips the shirt over his head.
I feel dizzy.
“You've got three seconds to tell me to walk away, kitten.” His raspy, deep voice floats over the water's surface to me.
“One.”
My breath hitches. The trees rustle, waiting anxiously around us.
“Two.” Bowen tosses his phone on the dock.
My lips part.
“Three,” he whispers. Bowen looks at me, nothing but eyes and nose above the surface.
And he dives.
I don't think I will ever forget these seconds. The last heartbeats of who I was when I woke up this morning. Of closing my eyes, toes barely skimming through the loose pebbles and grit at the bottom of the lake where I hover in the shallow waters. Waiting. Or the way my entire body breaks out in goosebumps when the water ripples and splashes in front of me.
I'll never forget the feeling of Bowen grasping my face with his hands to bring my forehead to his. Our panted exhales on each other's lips. Opening my eyes and falling into his.
A tender moment held in a watery breath of silence, before it all crashes down.
I gasp with the first touch of his lips. A soft, gentle press. My hands find his shoulders, palms against burning flesh. I don't push this time but pull him closer. Our eyes wide open.
I kiss him back.
And my world flips upside down.
The second I crack, Bowen groans into my mouth, and the tender moment breaks way for the onslaught of everything we've never been able to say. Everything I never dared to want. I close my eyes again and fall into it. Into him.
His mouth is demanding as he holds my head the way he wants it, deepening the kiss. He tastes like smoke and raw promise as his tongue glides against mine. I whimper, and if it wasn't for his hands on me, I would melt back into the water.
Gravel-soaked need whispers against my mouth. “kitten.”
We're all teeth and tongue. My fingers dig into his back, and Bowen's hands are everywhere. My face. My back. My hair. Gripping my sides and holding me as close as two bodies can be. He grips the backs of my thighs and hoists me up, and my legs wrap around his waist like they've been doing it for years.
I feel him everywhere. But it's not nearly enough.
Bowen seems to think the same thing because he peels my wet t-shirt up, only pulling his mouth from mine long enough to get it off. It plops in the water when he blindly tosses it to the side. Then he's back at my mouth, and I'm drowning.
“Boe…” I gasp, his mouth trailing kisses across my jaw, and I squeeze my eyes closed to block out the bright morning sun when those kisses move down the side of my neck. His beard is biting and rough against my skin. I want to feel it everywhere.
I don't notice he's moving under the water pulls on my wet shorts, trying and failing to keep me under. I can feel the muscles of his abdomen flexing against my own with every step. Somehow, he manages to climb out the small incline with me still clinging to his front.
