Part of me believed Susanna was showing me her history, begging me to understand the warning she couldn’t voice. But another part of me whispered doubt, reminding me that years of pain, desperation, and frustration the dead experienced when trying to communicate could warp memory, taint the truth.
But one thing was certain. Susanna had been afraid of her husband. Deeply, hopelessly afraid.
There was no more sleep for me that night. Every time I began to drift off, another jolt of terror snatched me back. When my alarm finally went off, I stumbled into the shower, letting the hot water pour over me, trying to give the warmth time to eradicate the icy center that continued to make me shiver, even when the steam had grown thick and suffocating in the closed room.
Henry was particularly bouncy and talkative as he got ready to go to Ms. June’s, which only served to drain what little energy I’d scraped together and to pile on fresh mom-guilt. I knew I should’ve been grateful that he was so full of life despite his condition, that I was being selfish for not finding joy in that moment. He was happy. And that should’ve been enough. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself as I led him downstairs to Ms. June’s apartment.
But part of me also knew I was being unrealistic. I was his mom, not a saint. I had the right to be exhausted after doing this on my own for so long and from now dealing with interrupted sleep and amped up adrenaline from never knowing what freaky-ass thing was going to happen next.
So between my tangled emotions and my bone-deep exhaustion, I wasn’t in the best headspace when I turned down the hall to Ms. June’s apartment and saw Whit and Chase in a heated argument, voices low, harsh. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but I heard my name more than once.
“Mama, let’s go!” Henry tugged my hand, urging me forward. I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped until then.
At the sound of Henry’s voice, the argument came to an abrupt conclusion. Chase didn’t miss a beat, turning toward us with his signature easy grin.
“Morning, Zellie! Hey there, buddy,” he called, raising a hand. “How y’all doing?” Before I could answer, he clapped Whit on the back and added. “See you later, Cousin. I’ll get back to you on those numbers.”
Whit sent him an irritated look that was completely lost on Chase who was already sauntering away, whistling as if he didn’t have a care in the world. ButIsaw it. And Whit knew it.
“Everything okay?” I asked softly, cautiously, fearing that hearing my name meant that I had something to do with Whit’s stormy expression.
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine. Chase is frustrated that I haven’t squared away the contractors for the fourth-floor renovations. Plans are behind schedule. He had to get rid of the latest crew when they tore down the wrong wall in the basement, so they obviously haven’t started upstairs.”
“Oh,” I said, realizing how I fit into the conversation. “I don’t want us to be the source of a disagreement between you and your cousin. Just do what you need to do. Henry and I will be out of the way most of the day during the week. Contractors won’t bother us.”
Whit offered me a smile that seemed forced. “Well, I hope that’s true seeing as how I’ll be the one doing the work.”
I shook my head, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“We need to move ahead with repairs on the other apartment while I put out bids, so I’m moving into that unit. I’ll handle the work myself.” His smile faded, his expression becoming more serious, almost uncertain. “Hope you’re okay with me being your neighbor for a while.”
“Well, there you are!” Ms. June announced, her voice loud in the hallway. She opened her door wide, arms outstretched.
Henry immediately released my hand and ran to her, giving her a tight hug when she scooped him up and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I was wondering when this sweet boy would get here!” June crooned. “Breakfast is ready, honey-pie. We’d best get you fed before it gets cold.”
Henry turned toward me, his beaming smile warming my heart—and tugging at it more than a bit—as he waved to me. “Bye, Mama!”
“Bye, baby,” I said, forcing a smile. “You be good for Ms. June.” I lingered there a few seconds after the door closed, fighting the urge to barge into the apartment and take him to work with me. I was halfway to convincing myself that Dottie wouldn’t care if I brought Henry to the shop when Whit touched my arm lightly.
“He’ll be okay.”
I nodded. “I know. He loves Ms. June and Mr. Earl and has such a great time playing with Addie. It’s just…”
Words lodged in my throat. Why did it feel like I was losing him? It made no sense. It wasn’t like Henry hadn’t gone to a babysitter’s before. So why did I feel so anxious, so sad?
Whit’s fingers drifted down my arm until they reached my hand and gave it a brief squeeze. “You’re not being replaced, Zellie.”
I blinked away tears. Whit had put into words the fear I hadn’t even fully admitted to myself.
“He calls her Mamaw June,” I said. “He’s never had a grandma before. I should be grateful. I know that. It’s just hard to see him light up like that around someone else, after it’s been just the two of us for so long.”
“C’mon,” Whit said, gesturing toward the foyer. “Why don’t I give you a ride to the bookstore so you’re not late.” I started to decline his offer, but before I could he added, “I’ll even treat you to the best coffee in town on the way.”
I huffed a little laugh and nodded. “Thanks, Whit. I’ll take you up on the ride, but I doubt Ms. Dottie would appreciate me walking in with coffee from a competitor.”
“Fair point,” he said with mock solemnity. “Then perhaps I should come in and sample yours.”
