Hot water.
Soap. Scrub.
Again.
Harder.
The water runs pink, then red, then pink again. I scrub until my skin burns.
Still there.
I dig my nails under the crescents, scrape, claw, rip at myself like I can tear her blood out of me.
Still there.
I look up.
Big mistake.
The mirror.
My face looks wrong. Dead already. Blood on my jaw. In the hollow of my throat. Eyes like somebody put a bullet through my skull and forgot to let me drop.
And all I see—all I fucking see—is her head hanging back in my arms.
Her mouth open. Her body too still.
Her eyes—
“Fuck!”
My fist goes through the mirror.
Glass bursts under my knuckles. A crack shoots across it. My hand comes back shredded and I hit it again anyway. Again. Again. Again.Until there’s no face left looking at me. Just broken pieces. Jagged teeth of glass still clinging to the frame.
I breathe hard through my nose.
It does nothing. Nothing helps.
I grip the sink with both hands and yank.
It groans. I yank harder. Bolts scream behind the wall.
Porcelain shifts.
Not enough.
I plant my boot against the base and rip the whole thing down.
It tears loose with a violent crack. Pipes snap. Water erupts all over me, icy and hard, spraying my chest, my face, the walls. The basin drops crooked, slams against the tile, and shatters.
I stare at it.
Then kick the pieces across the room.
“Fuck!”
My voice bounces off tile and comes back meaner.
