Most of the others around us cry out in outrage and surprise, several pulling their weapons. Harrow throws the dog he’s been chiseling right at Parker’s face. The blow hits his temple so hard it bounces off. I’m not sure why I notice that small detail in these fraught circumstances, but I do.
And Ben, who started to rise as soon as I shiftedtoward him, jumps right over my rolling body—as perfectly as if we choreographed it—and tackles Parker to the ground.
The whole thing takes a matter of seconds. By the time I’ve straightened up and jumped to my feet, Ben is lifting himself off the ground, and Parker is dead on the dirt of the courtyard.
Everyone is on their feet now, silent as death as we stare at each other, panting, tense, and on guard.
But there are no other attacks. Parker was acting alone.
He tried to kill me. Right here in the courtyard, surrounded by my people, where I should have been safe.
Something deep inside me starts shaking.
And it doesn’t stop.
That evening,I still feel shaky. Unsettled. Like a security down in my bones has been forever rattled. I couldn’t even explain why.
It’s not like I’ve never been attacked before. When I was young, men would occasionally try to force themselves on me. I was always able to get away because they didn’t expect someone as small as me to fight back. Since Ben and I returned from the wilderness, my life has been in danger because of our missions and because I’m an individual target as a rebel leader.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Central Cities guardscarried out a ruse to trick me into making myself vulnerable so they could kill me. As scary and upsetting as that was, this feels worse.
I don’t even know why.
I didn’t know Parker personally. I had no ties of friendship or commitment to him. But I’ve counted him as one of my people for weeks now. I genuinely believed he was a nice young man with a crush. Kind of like Troy.
But Parker wasn’t like Troy.
He was like the people who killed him.
The fact that the threat came from inside is different. That’s what I can’t shake off, even as we go through our normal routines for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
Parker was bribed to do what he did. That’s the consensus. We already have proof that the government has offered rewards for information against us, so there’s no doubt they would reward someone killing me. Most likely the money was offered to Parker’s family, since he must have known he wouldn’t likely survive the attack.
He was clever enough to wait as long as he did, looking for the exact time he could get close enough to make a move. It might have worked had I been a little less wary as my normal state of being.
It might have worked if Ben wasn’t always at my side to protect me.
The knife wound on my upper arm is minor and fully bandaged. Everyone else has relaxed and come to terms with what happened. The others around the fire keeptelling the story, raving about how perfectly synced Ben and I were and laughing about how Harrow threw his half-carved dog instead of his knife.
I play along since I want everyone to believe it’s over and I’m fine.
But I don’t feel fine.
Sitting around a fire in the courtyard after eating, I’m honestly afraid I’ll either burst into tears or run away screaming. One or the other. I’m really close.
Ben got up a while ago to check with Ryan on any updates radioed in. When he returns, he walks to me instead of sitting down again, leaning over to say in a low voice that’s still audible to those around us, “Ryan has a few updates you should hear. Nothing urgent, so whenever you’re ready.”
I stand up immediately, relieved by the excuse to get away. I follow Ben into the building and then into the command station. I blink in surprise when Ben immediately says gruffly, “Can we have the room?”
Ryan has been manning the radio as normal. He spends half his life listening for news. But he gets up without a word of complaint or question, saying it’s time he grabbed some dinner anyway.
“What’s going on?” I ask, staring at the door Ryan closed after him as he left. “I thought there were reports.”
“There’s nothing. I just made up an excuse to get you out of there.”
“What? Why?”
“You know why. Because you’re about to fall apart. Are we really gonna go back to pretendin’ I can’t see what you’re feelin’?”
