With an impatient wave of my hand, I blurt out, “Tell me now. Do you think I’ve made a mistake?”
Ben blinks, clearly taken aback. “Why would you think?—?”
“Because I asked you back at Robin’s camp, and you said yes. Well, you nodded, but that amounts to the same thing. If you thought it was a mistake, you should have told me. Do you think I wouldn’t have listened to you? I always listen to you. But now things are in motion, and it’s probably too late to?—”
Ben’s expression changes as the words come pouringout. It softens. Warms. He moves closer, raising a hand to put two fingers softly on my lips. “Annabelle, stop.”
I stop talking immediately. Then I’m startled and a little annoyed at myself. “Did you just hush me?” I sound and feel utterly astounded.
He lets out a short burst of amusement. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. But you wouldn’t stop talking, and you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t think you made a mistake. Of course I don’t. I don’t like him knowing Teresa, but he’s known long enough to use that knowledge if he wanted. He hasn’t. And having his group with us could completely change the game.”
“I know it could. But then what the hell is wrong with you? I’m not about to knock you down a rung and put Robin in your place. You’ve never been insecure about that kind of thing before, so I don’t get why you’d suddenly?—”
“You like him,” Ben blurts out, interrupting another ramble from me.
“What—?”
“Youlikehim.” He’s snarling again as if he’s picturing Robin’s face in his head. “I saw it, so don’t deny it. You actually liked that obnoxious, smarmy asshole.”
I stare up at him, trying to make sense of this new development.
“You could’ve stayed the night with him if you wanted,” Ben mutters, his tone changing and his eyes dropping to the floor.
“I didn’t—I didn’t want to!” I reach up to tilt his chin so I can meet his eyes and better read his expression. “Ben, I didn’t want to spend the night with him. Of course I didn’t. What is going on here? You’ve been in a bad mood this whole time, acting like you’re on the verge of knocking heads together?—”
“That’s how I feel!” He’s still not loud—Ben is never loud—but his voice is strong and indignant. “How do you think it makes me feel when someone comes on to you right in front of me, and I can’t say a word about it? I can’t stake a claim or?—”
“A claim? What am I, propert?—?”
“Of course not. You know me better than that. I’m just sayin’. It was fuckin’ hard. To stand there and watch him come on to you and not be able to say a word about it. To not let him know—or let anyone know—you’re already taken. I’m sorry if it pisses you off, but it put me in a bad mood.”
My reaction to this outburst is not the predictable one. Ever since my marriage to Chad, I’ve always resented any sort of claim on me. Any attempt to tie me down or control my actions.
But I’m not resentful right now. I’m not outraged or nervous or angry.
I’m a little bit thrilled. The way I was when Ben made that growly sound back at the camp.
“So you were jealous?” I ask, although I know theanswer now. Maybe I’ve known from the very beginning. “That’s what you’re saying. You were jealous.”
“Of course I’m jealous. What the hell did you think this was all about?” In an impressively smooth move, he turns me around so my back is against the wall and leans into me, tilting his head so his mouth is only inches from mine. “I was and still am fuckin’ jealous of that asshole.”
My body has started to pulse, and my cheeks are blazing hot. “I’m not sure he’s really an asshole. Smug, for sure, and he obviously has fun getting on people’s nerves, but I wouldn’t really call him?—”
“Are you seriously defending that man to me right now?”
I burst into helpless laughter. “I was trying to have a conversation. You’re the one who looks like he’s about to kiss my brains out.”
He does. He kisses me. And even though it’s not hard or deep, it turns my mind into mush anyway.
When he pulls away, he murmurs, “Listen to me, baby. I’m not tryin’ to tie you down. I’m never gonna turn you into someone you’re not. And I get you’re worried about the complications and need to keep things easy and simple between us. I’m okay with that. I promise. But I’m not okay with feelin’ like any man who passes by might snatch you right outta my hands. So if you don’t want me to be in an everlastin’ bad mood, could we maybe agree on one small string?”
I’m smiling up at him, blown away by what he’s saying,what he’s feeling. For me. Aboutme. But I’ve never been one to fold easily, so I say, “That depends on what the string is.”
“Unless things change between us, I’m the only one you fuck.”
He’s out of his mood now. His eyes are smiling, hot, and tender, and his heart is so incredibly warm. But he means what he’s saying. He needs this to feel secure.
“That string sounds good to me as long as the reverse is also true. I don’t want you fucking anyone else either.”
