Milly looked over at her, perhaps sensing there was something left unsaid. ‘Am I allowed to ask what the deal is with you two? Compared to last time, something seems a bit... off.’ Milly came over and sat a little too close to Sofia.
Sofia blushed. She looked straight ahead as she spoke. ‘You’re allowed to ask, but I’m not allowed to say.’
Milly cocked her head to one side, considering whether to probe further. She apparently decided against it.
Instead she said, ‘Well, whatever it is, I think you should try and sort it out. I kept telling Brian after our last trip that I was convinced you two were in love, even if you didn’t know it yet.’ Milly sounded so matter-of-fact, as if she hadn’t just said the unsayable, as if she hadn’t trampled all over Sofia’s pact with herself to not even think about the L-word.
Sofia laughed nervously. ‘Oh I don’t know about all that – surely you can’t tell that sort of thing from just one day.’ Sofia wanted this conversation to end.
‘Well with Brian I remember it was the same.’ Milly paused, pulling a strand of her hair out of her bun and twiddling it around her finger. ‘Well, not thesame– we were on national television – but the point is that it was everyone else who saw what me and Bri had before I did.’ She peeked over at Sofia, seeming to steel herself for what she was about to say next.
‘I never really expected to find love on there. Sure, it’s calledThe True Course of Love, but let’s be real I was there for Instagram followers and a BabyDoll line.’ She mused for a moment. ‘And, like, obviously I got those things too, but Brian...’ She sighed.
‘Brian was so much more than I signed up for and for ages I didn’t really know how to handle that. It was one of the other girls – you remember Angie?’ She looked over expectantly and Sofia shook her head. ‘Well anyway, this girl Angie, she was kind of my bestie on the show,shewas the one that was like, “Babe, you love him,” because I just refused to accept it. I mean it’s ridiculous, to fall in love with someone in like two weeks right? But then you’re with them twenty-four hours a day, and it’s all so intense and you really get to see what someone is made of, how they act under pressure.’
She looked over at Sofia again, who was in a sort of daze. ‘And I knew that Brian was the one, because he made me fearless, still does, like he makes me feel like it’s OK to fail, because even if I do he’ll still be there. It’s really amazing what you can do once you’re not afraid to fail anymore.’ Milly tucked the strand back into her bun.
‘You know I always assumed that I would have to choose between a great career or a great love, that it was impossible to juggle both, but I think we’ve actually made each other more successful, and not just like on Instagram or whatever, but like that kind of support, it makes you braver.’
Sofia didn’t know how to respond. She was aware that Milly couldn’t possibly know how relevant her situation with Brian felt to what was going on with Jack, and so something about it felt fated.
In a rare moment of earnestness Sofia looked over at Milly and said, ‘It’s really beautiful that you two have found each other.’
Milly beamed, her eyes welling. ‘I just hope I don’t mess it up. It feels like a lot of pressure sometimes, what with him going off to play his games abroad and me trying to set up my own makeup brand. ‘And with that the relatability evaporated. Sofia patted Milly on the shoulder sympathetically.
A splash caught Milly’s attention and she rushed across the boat to see Brian and Jack coming up.
‘It’s beautiful down there, baby. You’ve just gotta see it!’ Sofia didn’t think she’d heard Brian sound so enthused since the urchin-sabotaged photo shoot.
‘OK, I’m going to do it.’ Milly sounded determined. That must be the bravery she was talking about, Sofia thought.
Jack lithely climbed up the ladder, drops of water dripping from his body onto the deck.
‘Let me give you a hand with the kit,’ he offered, grabbing another harness and tank from under the seat and slipping it over Milly’s shoulders. Sofia remembered what it was like to have his fingers caresshershoulders and felt an unexpected bite of jealousy.
‘It’s very heavy,’ Milly said, concern echoing through her voice.
‘Once you’re in the water, it’ll feel more comfortable – don’t worry.’ Jack’s voice was reassuring and calm. He could be empathetic when he wanted to be.
Milly had a couple of trial goes with the breathing equipment and then she was ready, or rather: ‘I guess as ready as I’ll ever be.’ A squeal and a splash and she was in, bobbing in the turquoise water with a smile on her face.
Sofia watched as Brian coaxed her into taking more and more breaths underwater until eventually, with a flick of the flipper she was gone. On the boat alone, Sofia couldn’t stop thinking about what Milly had said. It sounded cheesy to talk about love giving you courage, but she’d seen it so clearly today that it felt like a morality tale from the universe.
For the first time she dared explore the possibility that she might love Jack. It seemed preposterous on the face of it. She had only known the man a couple of weeks after all, but then again, from the moment they had met there had beensomethingbetween them.
At the start she had thought it was disdain, and then hatred, then tension turned to chemistry. For one brief moment there was friendship, and for another there was passion. But all of it was visceral and charged. There had never been apathy or disinterest. From the moment they had met she had thirsted after details of him, even in the beach bar she had found herself imagining the sort of person he was, repulsed by his bravado but also fascinated.
She sat as the boat swayed lightly, marvelling at her surroundings, the sound of children’s laughter ricocheting through the cove. It didn’t feel so terrifying here, to consider that she was in love.
She tried to employ a bit of rationality, if she was indeed in love what would that mean?
It would mean that trying to ‘just be friends’ was a hopeless endeavour and she’d only be torturing herself. Secondly it meant that what she would want more than anything would be for him to be happy, and what made him happy was boating. Sofia thought back to her conversation with Stuart, how he’d said that Jack had lost his focus with her around. It dawned on her that if shedidlove him, she would probably have to do that most sacrificial of acts and let him go.
An interruption to her mulling came in the form of three bobbing heads yelling from the water. Sofia leant over the railing to throw the long ladder down. Milly spluttered. Sofia rushed into action, almost hitting Brian in the head in her haste.
The three of them scrambled up the ladder and collapsed onto the deck. Sofia held her breath, concerned, before they all burst out laughing.
‘We made it!’ Brian said as he pulled off his mask.
