Sofia wanted to change the subject. ‘So where are we going out tonight then?’
Patricio too seemed relieved that they were talking about something else. ‘I have a friend who owns a bar just down from the marina. It is just a small place but she says we can drink for free, so...’
‘So it’s perfect!’ interrupted Petra. She had stayed silent amid the exchange of strange tensions, swaying slightly from side to side, but now she was back in the room.
‘I think we should head out before eleven,’ Petra announced, gesturing over at Stuart. ‘What do you think, Mr Keep to Yourself, over there?’
Stuart shrugged. ‘Whatever you want, Petra.’
Sofia wondered what had gone on between them. In the midst of her own drama she had neglected to check in. She thought about her old friends back in London, how she had placed herself at the centre of a story that turned out to be about Erica’s pain, and felt a pang of shame. She seemed to lose her ability to be a good friend in direct correlation with the romantic turmoil in her own life. She needed to work on that.
Despite herself, Sofia looked back at the boat one last time as they stumbled across the dock, half expecting to see Jack running to catch up. As Petra had predicted, he had never shown up. Sofia tried to ignore what she feared was a sense of disappointment and determined that tonight would be about her friends.
When they arrived at the bar, they were all drunk, Patricio and Petra merrily so, the other three in varying degrees of ennui. Sofia was trying her best to have a good time, but Declan and Stuart were doing a less convincing job. Both were sullen, throwing back drinks but refusing to dance.
Petra went out to steal a cigarette off someone. As Sofia danced with Patricio, his arms tight against her waist as he dipped her dramatically, she spotted Stuart suddenly looking animated, stood by the bar, chatting with a pretty, dark-haired woman who seemed to be laughing a little too hard at whatever he was saying.
When Petra came back in to join them, she pointed over at the pair as soon as she saw them. ‘Who is that Stuart is talking to?’ she shouted over the music, right into Sofia’s ear.
‘No idea, but they’re looking a bit cosy right?’ Sofia shouted back.
Petra frowned. They kept dancing but Sofia could see Petra straining to keep an eye on the activity at the bar. Sofia was facing away from it when Petra stopped suddenly in her tracks, as if the music had been cut off in a game of musical chairs. Sofia swung around in time to see Stuart locked into a passionate kiss with the woman he’d been talking to.
Sofia wasn’t sure how Petra would react. She suspected that her friend had feelings for Stuart, but she had always denied them, and maybe they really were just friends. Something about her expression in that moment, though, told Sofia that even if Petra herself hadn’t realised it until just then, she could no longer pretend that there was nothing between them.
As Patricio spotted the scene, whopping and clapping encouragingly, Stuart leant back, the lipstick smeared across his chin matching the rising blush creeping up his neck. In the commotion, Petra rushed for the door and Sofia glanced over to see Stuart’s face drop as his eyes followed her out the bar.
Outside, Petra had procured herself another cigarette. She was sitting on the kerb when Sofia found her. Petra offered her a drag as Sofia settled down beside her. Sofia shook her head.
‘Talk to me,’ Sofia said gently.
Petra sighed. ‘What is there to say really? If I were giving myself advice, it would be the same that I gave you this very morning... Let it go.’
‘I didn’t think you liked him like that,’ Sofia probed, and Petra gave her a bemused look.
‘Didn’t you?’ She smirked.
‘Well,’ Sofia conceded, ‘I suspected of course, but when you said you were just friends, I don’t know... that also made sense to me.’ She thought back to those precious moments with Jack where she had thought they might be friends. In retrospect, maybe that’s what she should have held on to, instead of making everything so difficult and tense by giving in to a crush.
‘I just didn’t want to make the same mistake all over again. The captain made it clear that she wouldn’t tolerate any kind of relationships on board.’ Petra’s voice pulled back Sofia out of her own thoughts. ‘It was fine with Jack because there were no real feelings there... but Stuart.’ She stopped as if afraid that saying it out loud might make it too painful to bear.
‘We’ve only had that one drunken kiss, so I guess this is all a complete over-reaction from me. He obviously moves fast—’ she gestured vaguely at the bar behind them ‘—so it’s probably all in my head, whatever I thought was going on.’
Sofia thought about how many times she had had this exact conversation with the women in her life, and many more times she would have it in the future. It was a sort of universal phenomenon that when they were left feeling hurt and confused, the blame would be turned inwards. It was their fault for ‘misinterpreting the signs’ or for ‘expecting too much’.
‘For what it’s worth, Petra, you’re not delusional. The way he looks at you, I’ve seen it. You’re not imagining anything.’
Petra had a go at a smile, her eyes welling. ‘We really must stop all this crying,’ she said sternly, shaking her head and swiping her finger under her eye to fix up her running mascara.
Sofia stood up and held out her hand, pulling Petra to her feet. ‘Fake it till you make it,’ she said as she fixed Petra’s fringe. When they went back inside, Petra danced even harder than before, with her back to Stuart.
It was only when it came time to leave that anyone realised that Declan had disappeared. While Stuart had been otherwise occupied at the bar and the other three had been dancing the night away, Declan had slipped away from his quiet spot in the corner.
‘I thought you two were together.’ Patricio was looking around anxiously, but talking to Stuart.
‘He was otherwise occupied, I believe,’ Petra interjected, a bitter edge to her voice.
Stuart looked agitated. ‘I swear he was right there. I only looked away for... for a bit.’ He faltered, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking defeated. ‘I’m sorry, everyone.’ It was hard to tell if he was apologising for losing sight of Declan, or something else.
