It is in one of those apt moments when I am about to throw my wine glass into the television screen that my phone lights up on the coffee table. I lean over, my wine precariously tilting until it’s about ready to spill.MAY. INCOMING FACETIME.
Oh, May. There’s no way she could know, so I decide to compose myself, set my glass aside, and pick up the phone. I swipe on the tab to accept the call, and after a moment’s buffer, May’s face appears on my screen. She looks like she’s just run a marathon, but the excited flush on her cheeks is definitely not owing to exhaustion. Her grin is ear-splitting, and her eyes shimmer with tears of joy. ‘Jordan!’ she yelps.
‘May!’ I do my best to echo her excitement. I can’t say it’s easy. ‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing. Um, but …’ In one unexpected move, she raises her hand to fill the frame, and at first, it doesn’t click. Then I notice it: the huge, teardrop-shaped diamond on her ring finger. What a rock, and it is truly beautiful, which means I don’t need to go over there and jump Colt for doing my best friend dirty with some Ring-Pop-type number. But aside from the jokes, I guess I didn’t realize just how much everythingfrom this morning rattled me, because the sight of the ring is a slug to the chest. Maybe there’s a twinge when I think about having what Colt and May do, but now, it’s the sting of a bullet that hits its target in my heart. I am happy for May, and I refuse to be selfish. This is everything she’s wanted – and everything that the two of them have been building up to since the hot-and-cold of their childhood friendship back in middle school. I push the pain down until all that’s left is excitement.
‘What in the hell is the price on that thing?’ I gape, bringing the phone closer. ‘MAY! Congratulations? Hello? WHEN did this happen?’
‘Like, half an hour ago?’ May’s in hysterics. I’ve never seen her so joyful. May Velasco has also had a pretty tough go of it. She grew up working on her family ranch, too, and then struggled with a major decision between a job that would keep her at home, and her destiny calling via professional lacrosse. She chose the latter, and I couldn’t be prouder. My best friend, a pro athlete, and now a fiancée, with a massive rock to boot. For the record, my excellent relationship advice is what convinced her to give Colt, her future husband – kind of wild to think about – a chance. I just love seeing my work pay off. ‘We-we were literally at the diner. At that one place in Prosperity, with the broken neon. And we sat down in the truck to eat. And …’ She makes a series of flailing gestures with her left hand that make me chuckle.I get you, girl.
‘May.’ The excitement quickly melts into emotion. I can’t say for sure if it’s the brief twang of bitterness coming back in full force, but my eyes are going watery. This is not a thingI do. I party it up. I don’t cry. Suddenly, though, I can’t stop it. May’s going to be a bride. ‘You’re gonna do me in, you goober,’ I sniff.
‘What? Jordan?’ May swats at the screen, eyebrows furrowing. ‘Are you crying? Jordan! That is my job and not yours.’
I choke out a laugh. The tears are streaming faster than I can control. It seems like I’ve done a lot of crying ever since I let the dam break in the Wilson barn that one afternoon, and there’s no stopping it. Especially not now. ‘I’ve had one glass too much of wine.’
‘Be honest, Jor,’ says May matter-of-factly.
I’m still blubbering my way through my confession. ‘I just … I love you so much, and I can’t believe …’
‘That we’re really goin’ our separate ways?’ May’s voice is soft yet strained as the gravity of it all hits her, too. It’s a little extra poignant now that I realize we truly are going separate ways. I thought for a moment that maybe, maybe, I had the beginnings of what she did, of something that we could build and nurture and eventually, learn to trust. I celebrated too early. We’re the same in a lot of ways – always the same hairstyles, same hobbies, same playing style – but our fates in life are not. There was a time May thought she’d end up where I am, and I’d be where she is. She was sorely wrong. ‘You know, this isn’t like Mumma, moving far, far away to start a new life or anything. You’ll be able to see me whenever you want, miss ma’am.’
‘I know.’ I wipe the offensive tears off my cheeks and take a deep breath. ‘But things won’t be the same. Will they?’
May smiles again, this time, sadly. ‘Oh, honey. What happened?’
She just knows. That’s the fun bit when your best friend has a degree in meteorology. She has an intuition like nothing else.Can tell you when the weather’s going to change, and is just as good at reading feelings.
‘It’s nothing.’ Unfortunately for May, I am excellent at evading said feelings. And like I said, I won’t let anything take away from her moment. ‘I was watching thatToo Hot to Handle. And it … I don’t know. It got me thinking.’
‘Too Hot to Handlegot you thinking?’ May’s tone sounds incredulous. I deserve it, considering my excuses are the definition of flimsy. ‘Come on, Jordan. You’re an awful liar.’
‘It’s true! See?’ I flip the camera over to the paused TV so that she can have her concrete evidence.
‘Fine,’ she grumbles. I can tell she’s not satisfied with my answer, but this will do.
‘Okay. Good. Now, go celebrate with your family and your fiancé.’ I lay it on a little extra thick on that last word, because I know she won’t get tired of hearing it for the next year or so. Her big Cheshire-Cat grin tells me everything I need to know. ‘I’ll be back down in Oklahoma after this weekend.’
‘Wait …’ The grin slides off May’s face abruptly. ‘Weren’t you supposed to stay the month? Till off-season training starts?’
I close my eyes for just a beat, and then I open them, shaking my head. She’s not wrong. The original plan – and the reason I’d brought my stupid panini maker – was to stay till the beginning of August. Take the horses out and trail ride some more. Eat a couple extra slices of pie. Spend time with the people I had come to adore. Instead, I’ll leave a month early. Not that it matters. This was the whole thing, right? Work the work. Prove to the managers and to Coach that I have what it takes to serve as a damn excellent captain. I did that much, didn’t I? ‘Camp’s done this Saturday.’
‘I can’t really complain. I’ll be happy to see you again.’ May’s eyebrows furrow with confusion and concern. ‘But I thought you wanted to stay. I mean, you love the town.’
I chuckle humourlessly. The more I think about it, the more I am starting to realize that as much as I adore Whittaker, it might not just be the town that I have fallen in love with.
Chapter Forty
The Compass
Rod
One of the kids screams that they’re going to explode if the other takes the last slice of garlic bread, probably Jake and Lyla. Someone is drumming on the table so hard I think it might break in half. The dogs are definitely protesting, because I hear laughter as Scout and Boo start barking stubbornly. Someone else’s feet are practically slapping mine from the left side – little Theo. How? His legs are so short. I quirk an expectant eyebrow at him, and he just grins obliviously.
I usually embrace the chaos of camp dinner pre-game, but tonight feels testing. Or at least I think it should feel testing, because everything hits me as more hollow than anything else. Should I be excited, scared, nervous, or should I just feel like shit after what went down with Jordan yesterday morning? The way her face fell when I told her I basically didn’t trust her?Definitely should feel like shit. Instead, it’s like someone’s shoved my head underwater and everything that’s happening is up on the surface – distant and indecipherable.
‘This is an illness like any other,’ my psychiatrist Dr Ruby would emphasize, leaning forward to look at me from behind her massive corrective lenses. ‘It is not you. It is not your fault. And we will treat it.’
