‘I just …’ My words are slow, a long time coming. ‘I knowyouknow Sonia was everything to us, but what happened to her … It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t. Now it feels like she’s brought me the answer, and he’s everything I never thought I’d have the heart to love … ever again. He’s my way to something happier, something that’s … truly and deeply mine. My kind of love. No obligations, no fine print, just …’ My voice cracks as I remember what I’d told Darien that day, what my mum used to tell me. ‘The other half of my heart.’
Ma takes a step forward, her fingers brushing the curls and flowers of mymehndias she takes my hands in hers. A soft breath escapes her lips, and she meets my gaze with eyes brimming with tears.
‘The drive to Abu Dhabi is an hour.’
At first, the words don’t register in my brain. They don’t even sound real, and then they do. They click together piece by piece, and I question how this is even happening – any of this.
‘Vaani?’ Babu says quietly.
‘I will talk to the Kumars myself. I don’t want,’ my mother replies, more to herself than anyone else, ‘to lose another daughter.’
Babu takes off his glasses, focuses on the ground, and then he wraps an arm around my mother, taking my hand in the other. He swallows hard. Says, ‘That drive is more like forty-five minutes if you’vereallygot somewhere to be.’
I don’t think I’ve ever driven the way I do when I whip my parents’ grey sedan out of Navin’s parking lot and onto the road. I peek at my GPS for only a moment, making sure to get on the right highway, at which point I press my foot straight to the floor of the car. My chest feels as if it’s about to burst from the thumping of my heart. Is it too late? Is this a mistake? Does he even want to see me?
‘Shut up,’ I mutter to myself. My eyes dart in search of police officers. None. I speed up even more. There’s nothing to lose, anyway. Either I get there and he’ll hear me out, or I get there and he won’t. I’m too far to turn back now.
Heading off at the exit, I hit the traffic unexpectedly quickly; a flood of cars cramming the roads. Honking is the chosen mode of communication, with a couple of joyous middle fingers thrown up as necessary. No one is going anywhere right now. I check my phone. The race starts in less than an hour. The teams will be getting ready soon and, once that’s started, that will be my chance gone. Darien will be on the track. It’s a wonder if I’ll be able to get in and find him any time after that.
I put my car into park and pat the dash longingly, checking in front of me one more time. No movement. Well.
I tug my heels off, and pull my Hokas from their tote bag in the back seat, yanking them on as I open the door. I grab my paddock pass and step out of the car. Once I’m satisfied that all the lavender-tulle material of mylehengaanddupattahave escaped the driver’s seat, I slip my lanyard around my neck and slam the door shut.
With a deep breath, I peek down at my shoes.Don’t fail me now.
And I run.
By the time I’m at the turnstiles for the paddock, I’m so out of breath that I nearly throw my badge at the machine to scan in. I rush through the paddock itself, ignoring strange looks from team members and a principal or two. The Heidelberg motorhome is close to the front, just beyond Revello and Jolt, and I grab thelehengaso I can run up the stairs, bursting through the doors. I’m a mess, I know it – my hair falling out of its jasmine-wreathed bun, my makeup melting off my face,dress crumpled, but I have one thing completely intact, and that is my audacity.
‘Mr Demir!’ I catch sight of the team principal right away and set a beeline.
His eyes go wide when he sees the state I’m in, looking over me with deep concern. ‘Shantal! You’re … God, are you all right?’
‘Yes,’ I manage. ‘Darien?’
Afshin, bless his heart, sighs a resigned sigh, gesturing to the track, from which the roaring of cars already emanates. ‘In the car. He’s gone out there. It’s all down to the wire here.’
No.
I collapse onto the nearest chair, mylehengaflying up around me, and I press a hand to my forehead.Down to the wire.
Please, please, please. I need you to know I’m here. I need you to know I’ll never leave your side again.
‘Shantal …’ Afshin begins, brow wrinkling, but I hold out a hand.
‘Hang on.’ I look up at him, and I hope with all my heart that I can convey the desperation of the situation to him. ‘I need to go out to the fences.’
‘You think …’
‘I know it.’ I purse my lips and nod, every exhale a ragged, shaky puff of air. ‘I know he will.’
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Darien
I’m up into P3, with Diana up ahead, and Miguel in P1.
We pit about a third of the way through the race, at lap twenty-six, and screw on a set of medium compounds. Diana, I get word, is going to go out on the same, which removes tyres from the list of things that I could use to get a leg up on her.
