Maybe it was terrible. Fuck, maybe that’s it. The sex was awful.
I set my spatula down and take a deep breath. “Something happened and I’m having a lot of feelings about it.”
Noah grabs the iced coffee I’d made him and takes a sip. “Spill.”
“Something happened to Aiden, and a few days ago he had to stay with me.” I keep playing back these past few days. How could I have felt like it was more than it was? How can he not feel it? “We got closer, and spending these last few days with him...” I shrug. “I don’t know. Then, last night we...” My face burns. “We had sex, and it was probably the best sex I’ve ever had.” I swallow. “I uh, he just...” I shake my head. “I don’t know. I woke up this morning, and he’d left me a note that saidthanks,see you tonight.”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Noah squeezes my arm. “That’s horrible! Who would do that?”
Jamie slowly turns his head to Noah. “Yeah, almost as bad as someone kicking someone out completely unaware of what they did wrong.” Noah glowers. “Oh, and it’s their first time with a man.” Noah’s glare deepens. “I’m sorry, continue.”
“Anyway.” I laugh. “I don’t know. We went through a lot, shared a lot, and then he just up and left. While I was asleep.”
“Have you talked to him at all?”
“No.”
“That’s really hard.” Noah gives me a sympathetic smile.
“I mean, maybe it just meant more to me. Maybe I like him more. I do this all the time. It was everything I’ve been missing, though.” I’ve chased this feeling for so long and ended up finding something ten times more destructive.
“What’s up?” Bri pokes her head in the back. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”
Noah’s head swivels to her. “He’s sad about a boy.”
“Aw.” Bri comes in and loops her arm around mine, hugging me. “I can promise you, dating women isn’t easier.” That makes me laugh.
Jamie looks uncomfortable. “What?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I mean, what he did was shitty, but it’s a lot like us,” he says to Noah. “Both of us thought the other didn’t really want anything serious, so we pretended we didn’t. Being honest would have saved us a lot of problems.”
“You see, Sawyer, I don’t know if you’re aware, but Jamie doesn’t like to talk about his feelings.”
“And you like to run away from yours.” Jamie counters.
Noah’s lips pinch. “Douché.”
“It’s touché, baby,” Bri says. “What they’re trying to say, really badly, is be honest with him. He hurt you and you need to tell him. Maybe if you hear his side, even if it’s to say it was justa one-night thing, then you’ll have clarity and can stop running in circles.”
Noah loops his arms around Jamie. “And we eventually got there.” Noah pouts. “You just took the zesty path.”
“Zesty?”
Noah nods at Jamie.
“I wouldn’t change a thing.” He then looks down at Noah’s shirt.All Sugar No Daddy.“Where else did you go in that shirt today?”
“What?!” He pulls it out. “It’s not like I went to read for the elderly at a nursing home or anything. Although I have volunteered at a nursing home before, but it was not to read to the elderly.”
Jamie’s mouth opens, then he shakes his head and closes it. “I think you should talk to Aiden,” he says to me.
“Either way, tonight will be perfect, and who knows... maybe your future boyfriend will be there and he’ll be perfect and sweep you off your feet and you’ll forget all about Aiden,” Noah says.
I feel a little better. Oddly. And I’ll take their advice. If Aiden doesn’t feel the way I do, then fine. I just need to know, and then I can stop wasting my time on another man who doesn’t share the same feelings as I do.
