It has nothing to do with my back and everything to do with the man inside me. He’s killing me and he doesn’t even know it. My grip lessens, and I pull back to look at him. His eyes sparkle like a star-filled night sky. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes this bright. He deserves everything good, and I’m the absolute worst person. I’m less than nothing. All I do is take, like I’m taking his warmth now. I’m taking it to keep, because once I’m done with this job I’ll have nothing.
I want to take this moment with me.
My back arches. I don’t even care about the pain anymore. He jerks me slowly, his eyes never looking away, and a slow smile lifts the corner of his lips. “I can feel how close you are.” He smiles bigger. “Damn, Aiden.” He shakes his head then kisses me, and I moan into his mouth as our tongues play. He takes his time. Kissing. Stroking. Fucking me so good I can’t remember what my name is. He’s right. I feel that pressure and soft hum in my belly. It feels too good. His own eyes mirror mine. “Can I come inside you?”
I nod fast. If this is the only time I’ll get him, I want everything. I want to feel him later when I’ve finally left. I want to feel how it’s supposed to be. “Fuck, I want it. You’re so deep.”
“You’re so beautiful, Aiden.” He kisses the corner of my lips.
I cling onto him tightly. “It’s so good.”
“Yeah?”
I nod fast.
“Wait till I have you sit on my face and let me eat this pretty cunt till you come.” He grins, and fuck, just the image of that in my head makes me groan. “ I want to take care of you.”
Fuck, I want that too.
“Sawyer, please.” The pleasure is searing. It’s too much. “Deeper.” Sawyer’s hand strokes my cock as his hips pick up speed, fucking me harder. He’s shaking. Barely holding on. “Fuck. Fuck. I’m coming. I’m coming, fuck, I’m coming.”
He jerks me through my orgasm. I grab his hips, spreading my thighs wider and taking him deeper. “Oh, fuck, Aiden. Fuck. Fuck, I’m gonna, fuck. Fuck.” He grips my hips and fucks me fast. I groan feeling him so deep. I’m still coming when I feel him let go inside me. “Holy shit.”
He drops down onto me, punching his hips slowly inside me.
I hold him, my fingers diving into his hair, and I kiss the side of his head.
This was a mistake.
Something foreign punches me in the throat. It’s tight. I can’t breathe. He laughs, boyish and adorable. I feel... Fuck, I feel horrible. This is awful. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Damn.” He chuckles then lays a kiss on my lips, not aware in the slightest that I’m breaking apart before his eyes. “Incredible.”
This was too much.
Instead of fighting it, I sag, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in tight. He comes willingly, a little confused by the sudden rush of affection. Just a minute. I just want to cling onto this moment for a minute. “Thank you.” I press a kiss to his throat, breathing in the scent of him.
“I got you,” he whispers into my hair. I want to believe him. I want to fall into it, but I can’t. For now, I’ll pretend, though. I’ll pretend I can count on someone else for a change.
“I’m tired,” I lie.
I don’t think I could sleep if I wanted to. I just want to lie here with him and not think.
Sawyer slips out of my body, leaving me with this painful feeling. Empty. Hollow. I want him back. He stands, and I drink him in. “I’m going to shower quickly,” he whispers against my lips, then he drops a kiss between my eyes.
Then he’s back in bed. Sawyer’s arms wrap around me. My lungs ache. It’s hard to breathe. I don’t know what to do with this. I can’t process or make sense of what I’m feeling. It’s tight and uncomfortable and only gets worse with each passing second in this bed.
Then I hear his soft breathing as he sleeps, and I can’t do this anymore.
I take a breath and slip out of his arms. I find my jeans but keep his shirt, then I find paper and a pen. When I set the note on his nightstand my throat grows tight.
I’m so fucking selfish.
I don’t deserve good things like this. I don’t deserve to feel this happy. People like me don’t get happy endings and boys with bright smiles and airy laughs.
We get misery, and I refuse to drag him down with me.
CHAPTER TWENTY
