While most of the time I can escape the gaping hole my mother’s absence has left in my life, I can’t escape it when I’m with Hunter. He means well, but he doesn’t get me. He thinks I need to feel it, sit with it, let grief destroy me. I prefer to run from it.
I’m not really a crier. Sometimes I think maybe there’s something wrong with me.
When serious things happen, I’m sad or hurt or angry, I feel it. I just don’t cry. Yet I can watch a sad movie or read something and it affects me that way. I have no clue why.
Maybe it’s why I haven’t hung out with him much outside of us going to the gym. He’s a constant reminder. The one person in our friend group who knew and loved her as much as I did.
Hunter lets it all go for a minute and gathers me in a hug. “If you need anything, please ask. I know Noah’s helping, but ask me too.”
I give him a hug back. “You’re busy.”
He pulls back with a smile. “Never too busy for you.” He pats my shoulder.
And while all that sounds good on paper, I know it’s not true. Hunter’s job is demanding and leaves him emotionally drained. Being a social worker is hard. For someone like him who feels so much, I know it’s got to be tough. I admire him for doing it. I know why he wanted to.
I won’t add my baggage on top of that.
“Hey.” Aiden opens the back door. “Um, when do you want to go?”
While I like hanging out with my friends, I think I’m done now. I can see by the shadows in Aiden’s eyes he’s had enough people for one night.
“I’m ready.” I ignore Hunter’s looks as I say goodbye to my friends and follow Aiden through the door. I say my goodbyes to everyone else and follow Aiden out to his car.
“So, that was weird,” he says, putting his seatbelt on.
I laugh. “Honestly, it could have been worse.” I know from experience.
“Your friends are weird.”
I smile as I slide into his car and hear the rumble of the engine come to life.
“Are you in a hurry to go home?” he asks.
I look over to Aiden as he backs out of the driveway with ease. One arm slung around my head rest. He smells so good. Why is that so hot? “No. I’m not in a hurry. Why?”
He smiles ahead, and I admire the harsh lines of his face, wondering again about the scar and how he got it. Does it have the same story as the ones on his arms and legs. “Do you want to go for a drive before I take you home?”
Hunter’s warning comes to mind but I push it away. I want to be reckless.
Maybe I want a bit of trouble.
“Yeah. I want that.”
CHAPTER TEN
AIDEN
I haven’t feltthis good in forever.
And I hate whatever that means for me.
It should be simple. I don’t know him, so why am I acting like this around him? I shouldn’t be driving him around. I need to find that elephant. It’s not in the bakery and I didn’t see it in his apartment. I’m afraid of what it means for us both if I don’t find it.
I have more time.
My eyes travel to the side, taking him in, then focus back on the road. I’ve noticed he gets a little tense around heavily wooded areas. His head lolls toward his window, watching the trees pass by. It’s a comfortable silence we’re sitting in.
I think maybe that’s something I don’t mind about him.
