“What do you want?” she groans.
“Did you put an obituary in the paper?!” I hiss. Her following silence is all I need to know. “Goddammit Jane!”
“Nóng c?—”
“She asked us not to. She said no papers. No announcements. No fucking funerals.” As it is, we had a little memorial with some close friends who knew her. “She wanted to be cremated and go in peace. Without any fuss. She didn’t want?—”
“I know!” she shouts. “I know, okay, it’s just... It’s one obit. Just one. I can’t stand the thought of no one knowing she’s gone. I can’t stand the thought that months from now you’ll still have to tell people she’s gone. Everyone loved her. Everyone will be asking you. This way, it’s in the local paper so people will know. I just wanted to do something. I just?—”
“I... I... Jane! This isn’t about you! If you wanted to do something, you should have been here last year when she got sick!” I bite my tongue. Shit. I close my eyes. “Pii?—”
“You’re a dick, you know that?!”
Fighting with my sister will not help anything right now. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? I’m stressed out and tired. I shouldn’t take it out on you.” I hear her sniff on the other end of the line and I feel even worse. Jane is not a crier. We’re dealing with a lot. I take a breath and calm down. “I’m sorry. I’m just dealing with a lot and?—”
“It’s just a local paper. What does it matter?”
She didn’t want it. That’s why it matters. I’m not fighting with Jane. What’s done is done. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. That wasn’t fair.”
She sniffs. “I am too.”
My bell trills again and I see Hunter and his friends come in. “I have to go, okay? I’ll talk to you later.” I don’t wait for her to respond before I hang up. “Hey, guys.”
Hunter eyes me in the way he’s done ever since my mother got sick. The check-in look. Are you okay?Nope.No, I am not. I have no choice but to be, though. If I stop treading water for even a minute, I’ll drown.
I put what just happened behind me. Our mother, although having tons of friends and being very active in the community, was very private and cautious to the point of paranoia. She never even used her real name, just the nickname we all gave her.
Growing up we weren’t allowed outside my mother’s restaurant alone. I wasn’t allowed to go to friends’ houses or hang out with friends after school. Iwaswelcome to have friends over, but that didn’t really happen. Jane and I grew up close as a result. She’s always been my best friend.
She’ll have to go back to the city soon, so I’ll enjoy all the time I can get with her now. Upsetting her is not something I want to do.
I know Jane meant well. Still, I feel uneasy. Our mother was firm about this. Almost frighteningly so. I wasn’t sure why, but she was adamant about it, and it was one of her last wishes.
“Oh my god, everything looks amazing!” Noah peers into the window. “I want all of it.”
Jamie comes up behind him, resting his chin on top of Noah’s head and looking into the glass.
I’ve known Noah since college, and seeing him with Jamie of all people is a mindfuck.
I’ve known Jamie as long as I’ve known Hunter, and Noah is literally the opposite of him in every damn way. Somehow, though, they fit. A little too well according to Hunter. “Is that your mom’s sticky rice?” he asks me.
“Yeah, it’s her recipe.” Sympathy flashes in his onyx eyes. I really wish people would stop looking at me like this. She’s gone. It’s devastating. It’s slowly tearing me apart.
I don’t want to think about it.
I haven’t even cried about it. It’s like I know I’m upset, I know this is horrible and I’ll never see her again, but somewhere in my brain it hasn’t fully snapped into place. It’s like my mind is running from the reality. My mother was always my biggest helper and supporter, and this has all felt very empty since she got sick. She taught me how to bake. Baking with her was always my favorite.
Now I feel . . . empty.
We had to sell the old bakery, which used to be her restaurant, when she got sick. We needed the money for treatment. But I don’t know. I think part of me didn’t want to stay in a place that held so many memories. Not while her health deteriorated and the reality of her situation became clear.
I need to stop thinking about this. I don’t have time for a breakdown right now. “You want one?” Jamie slides onto the barstool at my counter. I have five of them lined up at the white counter next to my glass display case, and there are tables and chairs throughout the small shop. There’s even a couch and coffee table in the back for people to sit and hang out.
It’s cozy and cute and I wish it were filled with more bodies than it currently is. I had dreams of people working in here while they sat down to enjoy freshly made desserts and coffee.
Most days I don’t even bother making a pot, though. I want to feel life in here, but I have no idea how to bring it in. “Two please.” He puts down a twenty. “Keep the change.” I take his money, appreciating the tip, and give him and Noah a cup with these cute eco-friendly seafoam green spoons I found.
“This is incredible.” Noah basically moans, taking a bite. “Sweet with just a little bit of sour. Perfect.”
