“That’s not what I asked,” Allen said. “You don’t just wake up one day and start doing this. So tell me. Why now?”
Rick’s jaw hardened. “Graham pushed and I snapped.”
“And after?” Allen asked. “Because it didn’t stop with him.”
Rick’s eyes stayed on Allen’s. “No. It didn’t.”
Allen’s voice stayed steady, even when his hands clenched by his sides. “Do you feel bad?”
Rick didn’t hesitate. “No.”
Allen swallowed hard. “Do you need to keep doing it?”
Rick’s lips flattened, then he said, “I like it.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is,” Rick said. “It’s the only one that matters.”
Allen’s breath caught. “So what happens next time you’re angry? Or embarrassed? Or someone laughs at you?”
Rick’s eyes narrowed. “I decide.”
“That’s not reassuring,” Allen murmured.
“It’s the truth,” Rick said. “I’m not out of control.”
Allen’s throat burned. “And what about me?”
Rick’s gaze sharpened. “You’re not part of it.”
“That’s another way of saying you’ll decide what I can handle,” Allen said. “And I’m telling you now that you don’t get to decide that for me.”
Rick stilled. “Allen…”
Allen forced one more question out. “If I stay—if I choose you—am I choosing a life where this keeps happening?”
Rick didn’t look away. “Yes.”
Silence stretched between them until Allen slowly nodded. “If I stay,” Allen said, “I stay because I choose it. Not because I’m scared. Not because you pushed me into it.” Allen paused, then added, “And there are rules.”
Rick didn’t interrupt. “Okay.”
Allen held up a finger. “No innocents.”
Rick’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Define innocent.”
Allen swiftly inhaled. “Anyone who isn’t a threat. Anyone who isn’t trying to hurt you. Anyone you kill because you’re angry, or embarrassed, or because they laughed and you didn’t like it.”
Rick’s jaw tightened and nodded once. “Fine.”
Allen held up a second finger. “You don’t hide things from me. You don’t lie.”
Rick’s eyes stayed on Allen’s face. “I don’t.”
“You do,” Allen said bluntly. “You did.”
Rick’s mouth tightened. “I didn’t tell you.”
