When Rick pulled back, Allen’s eyes were half-lidded, his breathing slower.
Rick rested his forehead against his. “If you don’t want to talk, fine,” he said. “But don’t shut me out and call it nothing.”
Allen’s lips flattened. “I’m not shutting you out.”
Rick waited, letting the silence speak for him. He let it stretch until Allen had to choose.
Allen looked down at Rick’s chest, then back up. “I’m just… stressed,” he said.
Rick nodded once and kept his hand on Allen’s jaw, his thumb pressing lightly. Allen stayed still, letting Rick hold him.
“Alright,” Rick said softly. “We don’t have to talk about it tonight.”
Allen let out a breath that sounded like relief.
He kissed him once more and then leaned back, keeping his arm behind him on the couch, maintaining contact. He put something mindless on TV and watched Allen stare at it.
He told himself it was fine, and that Allen had had a bad week. That it was none of his business if Allen had something on his mind that he didn’t want to share yet.
But Rick didn’t live like that. Not anymore.
He’d learned what happened when you let things drift. When you assumed. When you gave people space and hoped they used it to come back to you instead of using you to further their own careers.
Rick sat there and kept Allen close, and he made the decision quietly, the same way he made most decisions. He would give Allen tonight, and then he would start paying more attention.
Allen leaned his head back against the couch, his body finally relaxing. Rick watched his throat move when he swallowed. Watched him blink too slowly, like he was there in body only.
Rick kept his hand on his knee, and he watched and waited.
Chapter Twenty
When Allen woke up, the first thing he was aware of was Rick’s arm across his waist. He lay there for a minute, staring at the curtains, listening to Rick breathe behind him. Rick was warm against his back, his naked body pressed against Allen’s. Rick shifted, face pressing into Allen’s neck, hand tightening once before it loosened again.
Allen stayed still. He didn’t want to wake him because he didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want Rick looking at him too closely first thing in the morning. He eased himself out from under Rick’s arm, slow enough that Rick didn’t fully wake. Rick made a low sound, then rolled onto his stomach and went quiet again.
Allen got up and went to the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him. He turned the tap on and stared at himself in the mirror while the water ran. He looked normal. Tired, maybe. A little puffy around the eyes. Nothing that matched what was happening in his head. He brushed his teeth, rinsed,then gripped the edge of the sink and waited for his thoughts to settle, but they didn’t.
The screen from two nights ago was still there when he closed his eyes. Names, dates, overlaps that shouldn’t have been there. He’d told himself it was coincidence. He told Rick that he wasn’t going anywhere. Those two things didn’t work together.
Shaking his head, Allen quickly washed his face, then went back into the bedroom and pulled on some clothes. Jeans, a clean T-shirt, and his hoodie. As he dressed, Rick stirred. Allen lifted the hoodie from the chair and pulled it on, seeing Rick open his eyes and look up at him.
“You’re up early,” Rick mumbled, voice thick with sleep.
Allen forced a small smile. “Habit, I guess.”
Rick rolled onto his back, eyes half-open. “Come back to bed.”
“In a minute.” Allen kept it light. “I’m just getting a drink.”
Rick watched him, then pushed himself up on one elbow. Even half-asleep, he was still tuned in. “Are you okay?” Rick asked. He blinked a couple of times, then looked Allen up and down. “Allen?”
Allen smiled even though he didn’t want to. “Yeah. I’m just hungry.”
Rick’s gaze stayed on him for a second, then he nodded slowly. “Okay. I’m going to take a shower,” he said, swinging his legs out of bed. “Can you make coffee?”
Allen nodded as Rick walked past him into the bathroom and shut the door. The lock didn’t click. A minute later the shower started, water hitting the tile and filling the apartment with noise. Allen closed his eyes, listening to the sound, then slowly opened them and stared at the door before leaving the bedroom.
In the kitchen, Allen started doing small jobs to pass the time and to try to keep himself from thinking about what he’d found. He filled the kettle, rinsed two mugs that didn’t need rinsing, and wiped down the counter even though he’d wiped it lastnight. He checked his phone twice without actually unlocking it and put it back down. The urge to open the laptop came back hard. Just to check what he’d found again and make sure he didn’t misread it. Just to find some piece that made everything make sense.
