Rick felt a flicker of irritation. Not at Allen. At whatever had put him in this state.
When the server came over, Allen was polite. He even smiled at a joke that wasn’t funny. He ordered without hesitation. Normal, if you didn’t look too close.
Rick watched the performance and did his own. He gave the server a polite answer, nodded at the right points, and kept his voice level. He’d done plenty of public appearances when he’d still been relevant. He could do “fine” better than most people.
As soon as they were alone again, Rick asked, “What’s going on?”
Allen’s hand paused near the bread basket. “Nothing.”
“That’s not an answer.”
Allen exhaled through his nose. “It’s work. It’s been a weird week. That’s all.”
Rick held his gaze and waited for Allen to look back properly. Allen reached for his water instead, took a sip, and put it down too carefully.
Rick didn’t push. Not yet. He talked. Rick told him about something stupid he’d seen online, about a draft he’d been stuck on, about how his neighbor’s dog had barked at three in the morning. He kept it light. He kept it normal.
Allen nodded at the right places, answered when he had to, but he didn’t lean in the way he usually did. He didn’t tease Rick back. He didn’t touch Rick’s hand across the table. He didn’t relax in his chair.
That was the thing. Allen usually relaxed.
Rick watched his hands instead of his face. Allen kept them close to himself, fingers tapping once against the side of his glass, then stopping only to do it again a minute later. Rick tried to tell himself it was nothing. People fidgeted, but Allen didn’t, not like this.
By the time the food came, Rick wasn’t hungry. He moved things around on the plate more than he took bites. He kept watching Allen’s face instead. The way his jaw tightened now and then. The way his eyes tracked movement in the room. It wasn’t fear, exactly. Allen wasn’t wide-eyed or jumpy. He was tense.
“Allen.”
Allen looked up and gave Rick a small smile. “I’m fine,” he said. “I promise.”
Rick didn’t believe him, but he didn’t call him on it in front of other people. He wasn’t stupid. Rick took a bite of food and chewed even though he couldn’t taste it. His head ran through possibilities and reasons why Allen was behaving the way he was.
Work, maybe. A bad call. A warning from his boss. Or something else. Something Allen hadn’t said out loud because he didn’t want Rick to know. Rick didn’t like that his mind kept going there.
Outside, Allen walked a half-step ahead, hands in his pockets, shoulders slightly hunched. Rick caught up and brushed his fingers against Allen’s wrist. Allen didn’t pull away, but he didn’t hold on either. He let the touch happen and kept walking.
Rick tried not to let it get under his skin.
Allen wasn’t trying to hurt him, but he was distant, and Rick didn’t handle distance well. Distance turned into silence. Silence turned into people leaving. Rick had lived that enough times to know the pattern. People got busy, and then one day you realized you were on your own.
At Allen’s apartment, Rick followed him inside and watched him move around his apartment. Allen took his shoes off, went straight to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. He poured water and didn’t drink it. He wiped down a counter that wasn’t dirty. He checked his phone, put it down, and picked it up again.
Rick stayed by the couch and waited. He gave Allen a minute and then another. Allen kept doing small tasks that didn’t need doing. Rick knew the type. Busy hands. Busy mind.
“Come here,” Rick said.
Allen glanced over. “I’m just—”
“Allen.”
Allen hesitated, then crossed the room. Rick stepped in close and kissed him slow. Allen’s mouth was warm, familiar. After asecond, Allen kissed him back, and Rick felt some of the tension in his own body ease.
Rick rested his forehead against Allen’s. “You make me feel normal,” he said quietly. “Do you get that?”
He didn’t usually say things like that. It made him feel exposed, and Rick didn’t like being exposed. But it felt like Allen was slipping away, and Rick needed to grab something solid.
Allen’s lips twitched. “That’s because you are.”
Rick watched his eyes, trying to keep him there. “When I’m with you, it’s easier,” Rick said. “I can breathe.”
