“There’s other stuff too.” Theo sits up a little straighter. “I used to be really touch averse. I didn’t want to be touched at all. By anyone. That’s better too.” He stops, then peers at me through his lashes, his cheeks pinking up. “I actually really like it when you touch me.”
I almost tell him that I can tell but figure I better not. “So,” I say, trying to get back to the point I was making. “You’re not behind Luca. Those are all things he still struggles with.”
“But…” Theo gets a crease between his eyebrows. “Austin.”
“Austin and Luca have known each other their entire lives. I think that helps Luca trust him more easily.”
Understanding lights up Theo’s face. “I see what you’re saying. But he’s so… happy.”
“He is.” Theo opens his mouth like I’ve proved his point, so I hold a finger up. “But Luca doesn’t have depression.”
His shoulder sinks, and his finger pauses on mine.
“That doesn’t make him better than you,” I continue softly. “Depression isn’t a character flaw, Theo. It’s an illness. And just like diabetes or asthma or…” I trail off, not sure what else to compare it to. “High blood pressure. My dad had high bloodpressure. He took meds every single morning. It didn’t make him less than. It made him someone with an illness that he needed treatment for.”
Theo studies me for a second before he starts back up with rubbing my finger. “So you don’t think Luca is ahead of me?”
I shake my head. “No. I think you’re runnin’ different races with different circumstances and different weights attached to your backs.”
He nods resolutely. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll text him. Tomorrow, though.”
“Still feeling up to a shower?”
Theo nods. “Yeah, probably a quick one. But yeah.” He drops his eyes, watching his finger move across mine. “Can I wear your clothes to bed?”
My heart thuds. A truck full of his clothes, and he still wants to be in mine. “Course. You gotta give me my hand back so I can get them, though.”
He huffs out a breath that almost,almostsounds like a laugh, then moves his hand off mine.
When he’s showered and dressed in my clothes, his damp hair curling over his forehead, he shuts off the big light and slips into bed beside me.
He takes a second to get settled, pulling the blankets up around him and snuggling deeper into them. When he’s comfortable, he looks at me. “Thank you.”
I shake my head with a smile. “You gotta stop thanking me, sweetheart.”
Scooting closer, he rests his head on my pillow and presses his thighs against mine. “This okay?” he whispers.
“Mhm.”
His fingers land on my chest as my eyes slip closed. I’m already half asleep, my body warm and heavy in that in-between space, when Theo whispers my name.
“Yeah?” I whisper back.
“Do you ever think about that kiss in the barn?” he asks. “Or do you just think about our fight after?”
My throat tightens, remembering the fight. I made so many wrong choices. I wish I could take them back. “I think about that kiss all the time.”
He goes quiet, and his breathing evens out.
“I’d like to do it again,” he says softly.
I nearly laugh. “Fight with me?”
He huffs. “No. Kiss you.”
My heart tumbles over itself, but I don’t want to make him feel pressured. I really didn’t think that would be a possibility anytime soon. “Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.”
There’s a hitch in his breath, and warm lips land on mine. It surprises me enough that I startle, a small sound vibrating in my throat.
